The One-Eyed Salesman

I think I was five years old on this particular errand day. I rode in the back seat of my family's Oldsmobile Cutlass coupe. I hated sitting in the back seat, because I got carsick. Society at large wasn't nearly so safety-conscious back then. Letting children sit in the front seat sans car safety seat was legal at that time. And I loved riding in the front. The car had black leatherette seats that got far too hot during summers in the southeast.

My dad drove us to the airport to pick up someone, which was why I had to sit in the back. Dad parked briefly in the loading zone scanning the people standing at the curb. A stranger wearing dark sunglasses waved at my dad, and walked over to the car. My dad looked over his shoulder at me and said, "Stay quiet. This will just take a few minutes." I nodded obediently.

The stranger got into our car. He and my dad introduced themselves to each other. The man asked my dad to drive around to an unsecured parking lot on the edge of the airport land. The man and my dad made some boring adult chit-chat. My dad parked where the stranger instructed. The stranger removed his sunglasses. Despite my tender, young age of approximately five years, I was a precocious and observant kid. I saw that something surprised my dad. I leaned up between the two front seats for a better look at this stranger in our car. The man only had one eye. The eyelid over his missing eye stayed shut and the skin appeared scarred.

The man said, "Yeah, I lost that eye in a gun accident. Don't worry, it wasn't this gun." The stranger opened a small duffel bag on his lap. He took a handgun out of the bag, and handed it to my dad. My dad inspected the gun. I sat in stunned silence staring at the stranger with only one eye. I don't remember anything that my dad or the stranger said after that. I only remember that my dad gave the stranger a wad of cash. The stranger counted the cash. My dad dropped off the stranger back at the airport pickup area, because the stranger worked at the airport. Then I got to sit in the front seat, which made me very happy.

This is a true story from my childhood. I keep flashing back to this incident. I wonder what on earth my dad was thinking to take me on that particular errand. Of course this happened pre-9/11, but I still wonder why the stranger, an airport employee, brought a gun to work to sell. I wonder how my dad and the stranger arranged the sale. My dad died over twelve years ago, so these things will remain a mystery.

My Year of Wait... What?!

Shonda Rhimes wrote a book titled Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In The Sun and Be Your Own Person. She braved situations and adventures that in the past she might have declined. It worked out beautifully for her. (I think. Honestly, I haven't read that book yet, but I plan to read it.)

The past year of my life has been a year of wait... what?! The past year of my life featured mysterious illnesses, maladies, health challenges and an earnest attempt to reenter the workforce. It was kind of a poop parade.

March 27, 2018: While eagerly anticipating my first trip to Maui, I came down with a weird illness. Over a 36 hour period I repeatedly vomited violently, experienced debilitating vertigo and had a blinding headache. I started to feel a little better, but had burst blood vessels on my face and a ringing in my left ear. I put on extra makeup, drank some Gatorade and moved on with my routine.

April 5, 2018: I made an appointment with a new primary care physician, because my left ear was still ringing. I was still experiencing intermittent spells of vertigo that meant I had to hug the wall to avoid falling. My left ear felt stopped up, but would not pop. I experienced discomfort in my left ear akin to a two or three on the ten-point pain scale.

I chose my new primary care physician because she was on my cruddy insurance plan and had a high star rating on a doctor review website. Maybe she was having a bad day, but for the entire 90 seconds spent with me she just talked about how I needed to go see an Ear, Nose, Throat specialist. She looked in my right ear, but not my left ear. (Um, hellooooo?!) As she walked out of the exam room she told me over her departing shoulder to pick up a referral card for the Ear, Nose, Throat specialist from the receptionist desk on my way out. That was disappointing.

April 6, 2018: I had an appointment with a Physician Assistant at the Ear, Nose, Throat doctor's office. The P.A. looked in both my ears, but didn't see anything abnormal. He tried to make me dizzy with a few exercises, but it didn't work. (Apparently I have excellent balance thanks to yoga and core strength workouts. #humblebrag) Then he tried to pop my neck in an attempt to dislodge possible crystals in my inner ear. That didn't work. He shrugged and wrote a prescription for seventeen days of Prednisone. Prednisone is a steroid commonly used to treat inflammation. My own personal experience with Prednisone features side effects of insomnia, racing thoughts, slightly aggressive cheerfulness and crazy appetite.

April 7, 2018: I boarded a flight to Maui. I didn't want to mess up my vacation with Prednisone, so I waited until I returned home to start my seventeen day course of meds. You can read about my Maui vacation *here*,  *here* , *here* ,  *here*, *here* and *here*.

April 20, 2018: I took 60 milligrams of Prednisone. I was so chipper and chatty and had an amazing workout.

April 21, 2018: I took 60 milligrams of Prednisone. I was so chipper and chatty and my house was sparkling clean. I was also really hungry.

April 22, 2018: I took 60 milligrams of Prednisone. I was so chipper and chatty. I went to a farmer's market, brunch, the craft store. I made a cool sand art with faux succulent hanging terrarium for the front entrance to my home.

April 23, 2018: I took 60 milligrams of Prednisone. I was so chipper and chatty and had an amazing workout. I wrote a bunch of reviews for Tripadvisor. I booked a trip for my upcoming wedding anniversary. I studied for my Spanish class.

April 24, 2018: I took 60 milligrams of Prednisone. I was so chipper and chatty and had an amazing workout. I also felt the effects of sleep deprivation and had trouble concentrating.

April 25, 2018: I took 60 milligrams of Prednisone. I was so chipper and chatty and had an amazing workout. I may have participated too much in my conversational Spanish class, but my grammar was muy bien.

April 26, 2018: I took 60 milligrams of Prednisone. I was so chipper and chatty and had an amazing workout. I ordered chocolate covered macadamia nut gift sets from Maui for my mom, my sister's family and my grandma. I nearly ate my weight in vegan tacos at Cool Beans. I felt tired from sleep deprivation and wired from the Prednisone.

April 27, 2018: Merciful Heavens! I got to drop down to 40 milligrams of Prednisone. My left ear was still ringing. I still had trouble sleeping. I still wanted to eat everything in sight.

April 28, 2018: I took 40 milligrams of Prednisone. I started seriously pining for the nights when I slept seven of eight hours.

April 29, 2018: I took 40 milligrams of Prednisone. I needed sleep so badly. I don't even want to tell you how much weight I gained taking this dumb medicine.

April 30, 2018: I got to drop down to 20 milligrams of Prednisone. My left ear was still ringing.

May 1, 2018: I took 20 milligrams of Prednisone. My left ear was still ringing.

May 2, 2018: I took 20 milligrams of Prednisone. My left ear was still ringing.

May 3, 2018: I got to drop down to 10 milligrams of Prednisone. My left ear was still ringing. I started sleeping a little better.

May 4, 2018: I took 10 milligrams of Prednisone. My left ear was still ringing.

May 5, 2018: I took 10 milligrams of Prednisone. My left ear was still ringing.

May 6, 2018: I took 10 milligrams of Prednisone. My left ear was still ringing.

May 7, 2018: I completed the course of Prednisone, and made an appointment for my follow-up exam with the Ear, Nose, Throat guy. My left ear was still ringing.

May 8, 2018: The Ear, Nose, Throat guy was disappointed that the Prednisone didn't cure the ringing in my left ear. He sent me to an audiologist for a hearing test. I had partial hearing loss in my left ear, mostly low pitches and tones. I also had a possible diagnoses of Meniere's disease.

May 9, 2018: The Ear, Nose, Throat guy was out of ideas. He suggested that I get an MRI just to rule out anything serious, like maybe a brain tumor. My cruddy insurance wouldn't cover an MRI, which would have meant thousands of dollars out of pocket. Also I had (and still have) claustrophobia. I did not (and do not) want to lie perfectly still in a cramped metal tube. I have metal dental work which was my ticket out of the MRI prevented me from getting an MRI. My left ear was still ringing.

I decided to just not think about my left ear for a while. My left ear continued to ring and annoyed me. I caught up on sleep.

May 23, 2018: I realized that I had been grinding my teeth at night something fierce. I would awaken with a headache and sore teeth and jaws. I tried a cheap grocery store nighttime dental guard, but it was too bulky. I decided to get a proper, custom-fit, expensive nighttime dental guard from my dentist. It helped for a few weeks. At first I was glad I got the fancy night guard. But after about six weeks the night guard started to dig into my gums and left sore spots. I've since had the night guard adjusted a few times with varying degrees of success/comfort.

Most of the summer I felt okay. I experienced several dizzy spells if I felt overheated or very stressed. My left ear was still ringing. Constantly. I noticed that I tilted my head more to hear people better. I noticed that having to talk and listen in group situations, or noisy settings, was even more exhausting than usual. Mostly I tried to employ a mind over matter mentality and soldier on with my daily stuff.

July 15, 2018: I had a violent stomach illness with 24 hours of repeated vomiting. I burst blood vessels in my face.  My left ear was ringing even louder than usual. 

August 16, 2018: I decided to try acupuncture for the first time. I thought maybe it would help stop the ringing in my left ear. The acupuncturist gave me Chinese herbs to take in harmony with the acupuncture therapy. 

August 17, 2018: Chad and I took my favorite cat, Kenji, age 16, to the veterinarian to be euthanized. Her hips had given out. It was clear she had been in pain for a few weeks, and had great difficulty walking or jumping. That day sucked real bad.

August 21, 2018: Acupuncture again. I felt the needles a little bit, but mostly the whole experience was pretty relaxing. My left ear was still ringing, but I decided to give the acupuncture at least four sessions of trying.

August 25, 2018: Chad and I traveled to Arkansas for my grandmother's 90th birthday. She still has a sassy spark. I hope to be so lucky if I make it to my 90th birthday.

August 28, 2018: I had my third acupuncture session. My left ear was still ringing.

September 4, 2018: I had my fourth acupuncture session. My left ear was still ringing. I really wanted the acupuncture to help, but it really didn't. 

September 6, 2018: I decided that the ringing in my left ear was borderline maddening. I had another appointment with the Ear, Nose, Throat guy. Mostly he shrugged, but decided to try one last possible treatment: a custom pharmacy compounded histamine. I spent the next two weeks taking the histamine medication and got a weird rash on my nose. My left ear was still ringing. 

September 28, 2018: Chad and I visited his family in Atlanta for a long weekend. 

October 8, 2018: On my birthday I went to the audiologist to discuss getting a hearing aid. In the whole poop parade of partial hearing loss and maddening ringing in my left ear, this wonderfully kind audiologist was the first person who said anything that helped me and gave me hope. He explained that my sudden hearing loss, likely due to a virus, was to blame for the ringing in my ear. He explained that my brain was making noise (the ringing) to compensate for the hearing loss, because my ear craved sound. He showed me a few hearing aid options. I chose a bright blue model. I mean, if you've got to have a hearing aid, flipping rock that hearing aid. I scheduled my return appointment for two weeks later to pick up my hearing aid. 

October 10, 2018: I started a new job at a place I'd always wanted to work. I hoped it would be a good fit for me and bring me a sense of community and belonging. The pay was ridiculously low, but I figured that was the trade-off for such a wonderful work environment.

I got into the groove of my new job. I realized how shabby and charmingly cruddy my new workplace was, and was mostly okay with it. My boss told me I was quickly becoming an asset to the team, and that the CEO had commented on my good work. 

October 22, 2018: I returned to the audiologist for my new bluetooth enabled, bright blue colored hearing aid. Unfortunately, the audiologist's software to program my new hearing aid was down. My audiologist sheepishly apologized. I didn't get to leave with my hearing aid. 

October 29, 2018: I returned to the audiologist for my new hearing aid. Finally! During the orientation for my ReSound hearing aid, the audiologist explained how to use my hearing aid and how to make customized soundscapes on the ReSound app. The ReSound soundscapes help to distract me from the maddening ringing in my left ear, which will likely never stop. The audiologist also explained that because my hearing loss is mostly in low pitches and tones, and because the vast majority of other people experience hearing loss in the high pitches and tones, any hearing aid will only help with my hearing loss a little bit. My $3000 hearing aid doesn't help me hear much better, it's mostly there to somewhat distract me from the ringing in my left ear. Of course, my cruddy health insurance did not cover my hearing aid, not one penny. 

When I first got my hearing aid, and would first put it on each morning, the ringing would stop for a few minutes. It's as if my brain got some sounds and was intrigued, so it quit making the ringing noise. As I've become more accustomed to my hearing aid, the ringing is more constant. My brain is no longer fooled. Listening to the ReSound soundscapes helps distract me from the ringing in my ear. 

November 9, 2018: All hell broke loose at a mandatory employee meeting at my new workplace. Employees tried to bait the CEO into arguments. People cried and yelled. Profanities were hurled. I kept my mouth shut and was regarded with suspicious side-eye from coworkers for not jumping into the fray. 

Later that same day I got a flu shot. It left an uncomfortable bruise the size of a quarter coin at the injection site. 

November 10, 2018: I awoke to a headache and vomited once. I wasn't sure if my illness was caused by the flu shot, or the terrible work meeting, or some combination of both. I drafted my resignation email for my job. In the email I explained that despite the notoriously lackluster pay at that company, I'd always heard about the amazing sense of community there. I explained that I'd taken the job in hopes of having that sense of belonging, but found the complete opposite. 

November 13, 2018: I received a reply email from my boss asking me to please reconsider. She said that the CEO also wanted me to stay and had offered a personal meeting with me. While I was flattered, I politely declined. 

November 23, 2018: Chad and I took advantage of the long Thanksgiving holiday weekend to do yard work and to wash all the windows on our home inside and outside. During this flurry of activity I got cactus spines in my hands and also possibly a spider bite. (I'm still not sure.)

A few days later the skin on my right hand got very sensitive. Three of my fingers swelled and developed sores. After applying Benadryl lotion, my hand seemed to get a little better for a few days, but then got worse. 

December 7, 2018: I had an appointment with a new primary care physician. She was much better than the last primary care physician I saw. She feared that I might have an infection and/or a bad allergic reaction in my hand, because my joints were swollen. She prescribed a five day course of Prednisone (really?! again?!) and a ten day course of medium-strength antibiotics. 

I didn't sleep well during the five days on Prednisone. The ten days of antibiotics kind of messed with my stomach. My hand looked 90% better after ten days. 

December 29, 2018: I came down with a cold for the next eight days. I never ran a fever, but I was congested, coughing, had headaches, had a really runny nose and was generally tired. 

January 10, 2019: My right hand started looking a little weird again. The skin on my hand got sensitive again. I didn't want to brave another round of Prednisone, so I used Cortisone 10 lotion to treat my hand. The Cortisone 10 seemed to help heal my hand over the next week.

January 27, 2019: I came down with a second cold. Again I experienced congestion, coughing, runny nose, headaches, tiredness, but no fever, for about eight days. I was also in the middle of rehearsals for a new play for Fronterafest theatre festival. 

January 29, 2019: I developed a red angry rash on both wrists that ran halfway up to my elbows. The rash looked like a reaction to poison ivy, but I'd barely been outside due to my cold. I still don't know what caused the rash. It itched something fierce. The Cortisone 10 lotion seemed to make my rash angrier, so I discontinued its use. 

Big Guy cast photo by Kenneth Gall

February 6, 2019: I performed in Fronterafest theatre festival. The show was extremely well received. My castmates did an exemplary job performing. The script (once again by my talented friend Max Langert) was hilarious, mysterious, nuanced and touching. I was (and am) so proud to be part of that production. 

February 21, 2019: My rash is about 95% healed. I can still see the red shadows of rash bumps on a small part of both wrists if I look carefully.

My left ear is still ringing. The ringing still causes discomfort. I get tired more easily, because I'm struggling to hear and filter noise. I have trouble listening to one person in a noisy restaurant or at social events where more than one person is talking at a time. On a bad day, it makes me cry and feel a little hopeless. On a good day, when I'm channeling my inner Pollyanna, the ringing in my left ear is no big deal. 

I'm counting my blessings. I'm so glad that I have a sweetly supportive husband who urges me to rest when I'm sick, and who listens to me talk about my hearing loss. I'm so glad to be in a financial position where we can pay for medical care despite cruddy health insurance. I'm so glad to have (mostly) patient people in my life who deal with my hearing loss politely when I explain that I have trouble hearing in my left ear. 

Manic Hobgoblin's Resolutions

My inner Manic Hobgoblin made some New Year's Resolutions. (Don't worry. I already ignored or broke all of them.)

1. Hit the gym at least five days a week. No excuses. Go in the early morning as soon as the doors open, despite the fact that you're a total night owl.

2. Read at least 104 books this year. Make sure most of them are real dry non-fiction. Then you'll have boundless sources for party chatter. The other party guests aren't running FROM you, they're running to direct other people TO you, because you are a font of fascinating tidbits.

3. See every film nominated for any Academy Award. Form strong opinions on all of them.

4. Learn to speak Mandarin. (You'll only use it to speak to your friends' precocious children from the Mandarin Immersion Preschool Program, but that will be a hoot!)

5. Curate the perfect Pinterest board for every possible occasion. Life is short, but the internet is vast. So get a move on!

6. Visit at least 25 national parks.

7. Defeat your peanut allergy with the power of positive thinking.

8. Meditate 90 minutes daily, you fidgety mess, you.

9. Solve Brexit.

10. Write and publish the great American novel of your generation.

Manic Hobgoblin is hilarious! (Pro tip: Laugh at the inner Manic Hobgoblin. Do not take him seriously.)

My only real New Year's Resolutions for 2019 are to read 30 books of any genres that strike my fancy and to watch all eight seasons of the original Charmed television series. So far I've read 10 books and watched the first two seasons of Charmed.


Update: I got halfway through the fourth season of the original Charmed television series, and gave up. That show really jumped the shark when Pru died. However, I am on track to make my goal of reading 30 books this year.

My Pets' Favorite Things: A Gift Guide

Here's the gift guide you've all been anticipating! This holiday season it's all about staying warm, durable chewy things, catnip and fashion collars.

Staying Warm

Our semi-feral cat, Mama Kitty Sabrina, lives outside. She loves a Snuggle Safe disk on a cold night. No plugs or wires, just zap the disk in the microwave, then deliver it to your pet's favorite spot to provide up to ten hours of warmth.

Sabrina also enjoys a self warming pad on her favorite step in the carport. The longer she sits, the warmer it gets.

Thanks to the community cat program through Austin Humane Society, I humanely trapped Sabrina so she could be spayed and vaccinated. I then returned her to her favorite yard on my street. Sabrina shows up each evening at sunset for her food, fresh water and back scratches. She does not want to move inside. I hold the door open for her sometimes and invite her inside, but nope.

Sonic, our indoor/outdoor cat, loves his K&H heated shelter on chilly or drippy days and nights. The heating pad for this shelter requires a plug. We run a weather-safe extension cord under the deck to the exterior electrical outlet. This shelter has a front door and a back door, so cats don't get trapped. There is a velcro-attached flap you can use (or not) to keep the heat in, and the elements out.

Slow your roll before you start judging me for letting Sonic outside. He started life in a feral cat colony. If we make Sonic stay inside too long, he cries loudly at the back door, then starts peeing on doors and windows. Trust me, he wants to go outside real bad. Sonic a healthy, neutered, vaccinated, thirteen year old cat. He is microchipped. We keep his microchip information up to date. 

When indoors, Sonic loves a good heating pad. He has his choice of three heating pads scattered throughout the house.

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Durable Chewy Things

Our dog, Janie Lullabelle Mae, or just Janie to her friends, found her home with us through Blue Dog Rescue. Her hobbies include sniffing things, licking things, trying to sleep as much as the cats do, acting excited about walks then refusing to walk and chewing appropriate things. Her favorite chewy things are Benebones. Benebones are super-durable and last much longer than any other chewy things we've tried. 

Can I have that Benebone now? Plz?

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Catnip

All the pets love catnip. Sonic knows exactly which drawer houses the catnip stash. He will lead me to the drawer and stare pointedly until I get the bag and deliver catnip to his favorite spot. L.B. also goes cuckoo for catnip. Janie (yes, the dog) knows the sound of the catnip drawer and bag. Janie (yes, the dog) trots down the hall to get a tiny nibble of catnip too. Weird, I know. I'm not sure if it's just about the ritual of catnip for the dog, or if she really likes it. 

The cats love Yeowww! catnip stuffed bananas, but they destroy them within a matter of days, leaving trails of catnip all over the house. Maybe your cats aren't such vicious predators, and the Yeowww! catnip toys will last longer. 

L.B. thinks he is maintaining. He is not.

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Fashion Collars

The pets own many Up Country collars. They like to have outfit choices. Up Country offers about eleventy-thousand cute styles of pet accessories. Janie owns many different Up Country collar and leash sets. I machine-wash Janie's collars and leashes at the end of each season or holiday. Got to keep that fashion ready for appropriate seasonal changes.

Ready for St. Patrick's Day

Manic Hobgoblin Wants to Go to Disneyland

I'm real tired of the news of late. My soul needs a break. I need some joy. And some Halloween fun that is heavy on smiling pumpkins and silly singing spirits.

The Manic Hobgoblin wants to splurge on a trip to Disneyland for the (not so scary) Halloween fun. MH convinced me that we can earn some more Hilton Rewards points by staying at Homewood Suites by Hilton, just a mile away from Disneyland. MH loves reward points programs. MH also found direct flights from Austin to Santa Ana, California on Frontier Airlines for $49 each way. So far, I'm following along with MH.

Haunted Mansion at Disneyland:
way less scary than the prices for Disneyland parks

BUT! Holy guacamole! The park ticket prices for Disneyland are where MH lost my support.

*sigh*

Sorry, Manic Hobgoblin. Nope. We can't go to Disneyland for Halloween.

I'm just going to start this video of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. This will have to suffice for the moment. Also, no more looking at twitter for a few days.

Murakami Exhibit: Worth the 6 Hours of Driving

This past weekend, Chad and I took a short road trip (three hours each way) to the Modern Art Museum of Fort Worth for an exhibition of Takashi Murakami's artwork titled "The Octopus Eats Its Own Leg". 

Mr. DOB in a more tame sculpture installation.

Aren't they cute? Those are shrunken heads atop their poles.

Caution: may cause seizures and/or too much joy.

This happy mural greets visitors.

A ginormous Mr. DOB parade balloon suspended from the ceiling 30 feet up.

Chad and I loved this exhibition so much! Japanese historical themes of warriors, dragons and monks meet modern manga cartoons meet bright pop-culture iconography. Though some of Murakami's work echoes Sanrio cuteness via a fever dream, much of it is delightfully subversive and best suited to adults. Do you really want to explain the satire of overt sexualization of cartoon characters to your eight-year-old child? I don't. Nor do I want to awaken in the middle of the night to calm them after the nightmare caused by sharp-toothed Hello Kitty type monsters with way too many eyes staring blankly.

The enormous scale of many of the artworks mesmerizes. Just when you think you're done looking at one of the giant, detailed artworks, you see some other image within an image to ogle. Other installations overload your vision with literal wallpaper topped with canvases as a background to a busy sculpture, all with the same design motif. 

The architecture of the Modern Art Museum of Fort Worth impresses with grand scale, shallow pebble-bottom reflecting pools surrounding the building, an outdoor sculpture garden and an intriguing permanent collection starring the likes of Andy Warhol, Donald Judd and KAWS. I'll definitely make the drive again if a future exhibition catches my attention.

If you live within driving distance of Fort Worth, Texas you can also see the Murakami exhibition through September 16, 2018. *Click here for more info.* This exhibition was originally organized by the Museum of Contemporary Art, Chicago. Maybe it will travel to other museums. Catch it if you can!

Manic Hobgoblin: Already Planning Next Vacations

I've mentioned the Manic Hobgoblin who haunts my thoughts sometimes, right? He shouts over the quiet, rational voice that usually narrates my inner monologue. I didn't even finish my Maui blog posts before Manic Hobgoblin (M.H. for short) started planning our next grand excursions. Here are the five places topping M.H.'s travel destination list.

1. Scotland (focusing on Edinburgh)

2. Northern Ireland and Republic of Ireland

3. Niagara Falls

4.  Pacific Northwest Road Trip

5. Budapest

BUT FIRST:

Chad and I need to visit my grandmother for her 90th birthday in August in Arkansas.

We need to visit Chad's family in the Atlanta area in the fall.

We need to visit my family in the Raleigh area.

I've tried (in vain) to reassure M.H. that after all these family trips, Chad and I will start saving up enough money and "Paid Time Off" for one of M.H.'s adventures. M.H. is not pleased by this timeline. He has hijacked my MacBook and started researching already. Yet again, M.H. proves he has no chill.

Sometimes I kind of hate the Manic Hobgoblin.

Maui = Amazing, Conclusion/Reflection

I highly recommend the Westin Maui Resort! The resort is gorgeous and conveniently located.The adults-only pool really is adults-only. There are five pools, so plenty of family-friendly pools too. I loved that we could rent snorkel gear and walk down the beach to amazing snorkeling at Black Rock. I loved that Westin Maui offers onsite restaurants, is a five-minute walk to Whalers Village restaurants and offers the free shuttle to Lahaina attractions.

I'm glad we didn't rent a car on Maui. Between the Westin shuttle bus, Lyft and guided tour pickups, we didn't need our own car. Consider when renting a car not just the car rental cost, but also the $30 per night parking cost at most resorts on Maui. Gasoline also costs a lot more on Maui.

I kind of wish we'd done Hike Maui's Hana Hiking Trip instead of the Road to Hana van tour. I'd love to see even more bamboo forests and even more waterfalls close-up, but we really enjoyed the Road to Hana van tour with all of its stops. Above all, I'm really glad we didn't try to drive the Road to Hana ourselves.

I wish I'd made reservations ahead of time for restaurants at Whalers Village (especially Monkeypod), instead of being surprised by the long lines & waits at dinner time. The outrageously long lines at dinner time meant that we ended up eating from the burrito stand one night. The food was fine, but scurrying back to our hotel room to sit on the floor and eat was not glamorous. We do that (eat takeout on the floor) at home. I want a little more from vacation.

Chad took a surfing lesson that he enjoyed. I wish I'd gone to watch (and take video).

AdventureMaui.com made planning and booking our tours, hikes and surf lessons so easy. I highly recommend AdventureMaui.com !

I'm sorry that the United States of America basically subjugated Hawaii into statehood which many Hawaiian people didn't want. If you go to any Hawaiian island, be prepared to be reminded of this history. It's uncomfortable, but deal.

Like many popular tourist destinations, I sensed an undercurrent of resentment towards tourists from some locals. I'm sure it's rough to depend on tourism for the economy, but also to be real tired of tourists. I get cranky about the crowds in Austin during the numerous festivals such as Austin City Limits Music Fest, South By Southwest (SXSW) eighteen-day everything festival and Bozo Fest*.

Maui feels a lot like an idyllic paradise, and is priced accordingly. Be prepared. Everything (food, hotels, tours, activities, clothing) is much more expensive than on the mainland.

I'm so thankful for our Maui experiences. That said, the air travel time of eight hours in cramped economy class and the financial costs of a Maui vacation make this a once-in-a-lifetime trip for us. There are so many other places on this glorious planet that Chad and I want to see!

*Bozo Fest is not a real festival in Austin. It just feels like that sometimes with all the street closures and crowds.

Hiking Haleakala on Maui (& Trying Not to Pass Out)

First trail at Haleakala where some green stuff grows up in the clouds.

Maui boasts a dormant volcano crater at Haleakala National Park. The tallest peak of Haleakala tops at 10,023 feet elevation. Chad and I hiked two trails at Haleakala for a total of four miles. During our hikes at Haleakala we stood at eye level with clouds. The air is very thin and cold at that height, but the sun can burn your skin quickly. It felt a little difficult to catch our breath, both from the hiking exertion and the thin air. From the summit of Haleakala, we looked down through the clouds into a massive depression/crater 7 miles across, 3 miles wide, and nearly half a mile deep. The surrounding walls of the volcanic crater are steep and the interior mostly barren-looking with a scattering of volcanic cones. The ground is made of red and black sand, which is actually volcanic ash. The views are breathtaking and otherworldly. Chad and I felt very small in such a big, open, barren space. It was fairly difficult to hike on the steep, sand-like ground at the peak elevation in the thin air, but we did it! 

A person could rent a car, drive to Haleakala National Park and hike trails on their own, but Chad and I appreciated that Hike Maui picked us up at our resort, drove the winding roads, provided: lots of snacks, lunch, sturdy rain/windbreaker jackets, backpacks and a friendly, knowledgeable tour guide. Our Hike Maui guide, George, gently reminded us to drink plenty of water, handed out lots of snacks to fuel our journey, reminded us to reapply sunscreen often and pointed out native flora and fauna. 

Second trail in the barren crater area up in the clouds at 10,000 feet elevation.

I appreciated this experience with its amazing views. We were physically exhausted at the end of the day. My semi-shameful confession: if I had known how difficult the hiking would be at that elevation, I might have been tempted to just enjoy the observation deck and the sweeping vistas from the edge of the parking areas. Please feel free to do the lazy observer option if you go to Haleakala. Or be a badass and do the hiking. 

If you choose to do the hiking:

Wear good hiking boots with ankle support.

Apply sunscreen and reapply often. The sun at that altitude is no joke.

It can get cold, windy and rainy at Haleakala. Wear layers of water-resistant clothing.

Hydrate and eat plenty, so you don't get altitude sickness. Forget the diet on this day, because you need fuel.

If you go with Hike Maui, let them know ahead of time if you're vegetarian. They'll happily accommodate you with a Gardenburger sandwich at lunch. 

Five Best Meals on Maui

Dear Foodies,

Don't get too excited about this list, because:

I'm a vegetarian. (I love animals. No, they are not delicious. Don't get me started. You'll regret it. I promise.)

I sometimes care just as much, or more, about the decor and ambiance of a restaurant as I care about the food. (Food trucks should have cute outdoor dining areas, or better yet, be a stepping stone to a cute brick & mortar restaurant. With air-conditioning. And comfortable seating.)

I eat food, but I'm not a Foodie. It's rare for me to rhapsodize about a dish, so when I do, it's a very special dish.

I'm allergic to peanuts. (I love peanuts, but not so much as to withstand the swollen lips and full-body rash that my peanut allergy induces.)

I am soy sensitive. (Tummy trouble: enough said.)

I hate wine. I'm real picky about mixed drinks and beer. I'm generally a light-weight about the alcohol beverages with a strong aversion to hangovers.

Even on vacation, Chad and I aren't gluttons. We're both just a little too body-conscious. I would love to be the kind of person who could enjoy more calories and flavors and alcohol, but I'm not.

You've been warned Foodies. Here are my top five favorite meals during my recent trip to Maui.


1. Monkeypod Kitchen (at Whalers Village, Ka'anapali)

The space at Monkeypod Kitchen is gorgeous. One wall features huge windows with views of the pretty beach. The seats and banquettes are upholstered in Schumacher's Chiang Mai Dragon fabric. The glass back wall of the bar encases antique glass fisherman's floats with light bouncing around beautifully. The vibe here is relaxed like, sure, wear your flip-flops and swimsuit cover-up, but also lush and lovely with attention to design.

Remember just now when I said, "It's rare for me to rhapsodize about a dish, so when I do, it's a very special dish."? Get ready, I'm about to rhapsodize about a dish! I had the most amazing gnocchi with mushrooms and kale dish at Monkeypod Kitchen. I ate all but one bite that I very grudgingly shared with Chad. Monkeypod Kitchen also serves lovely, delicious cocktails and pies. I loved this place so much! If you go to Maui, eat here often, and report back to me.

2. Choice Health Bar (at Whalers Village, Ka'anapali)

Chad and I were so beyond tired and hungry one evening in Maui after a rigorous day of hiking. Chad volunteered to scamper over to Whaler's Village and pick up dinner from the Choice Health Bar. We both loved our hearty kale salads and amazing vegan smoothies. Everything here is delicious and surprisingly satisfying. This place serves healthy food with an emphasis on yummy. I wish we had made the time to dine at sit-down restaurant down the road in Lahaina, but the Whaler's Village pickup location was super-convenient to our hotel.

3. Maui Brewing Company (Lahaina at Kahana Gateway Center)

Beer is "liquid sunshine" according to Ruby, our friendly Lyft driver who drove us to and from Maui Brewing Company's restaurant. Chad and I shared a sampler flight of four beers. My favorite beer was the Bikini Blonde Lager, closely followed by the Pineapple Mana Wheat. We shared an order of Tots Dynamite: tater tots with beer cheese sauce, jalapeno, green onion, kimchi aioli, caramelized onion and garlic crema.  We could have stopped there with the food due to the generous portions, but we had already foolishly ordered entrees. Oops. I had exactly three bites of a deliciously hefty Veggie Burger before boxing it to go. Maui Brewing Company gets philanthropy points for donating half the profits from veggie burger sales to the Maui Humane Society! Chad had the veggie Teriyaki rice bowl, sharing two bites with me. Packed with veggies, the rice bowl was tasty and filling.


4. Lahaina Pizza Company

This deep-dish pizza packs a well-prepared punch. Yum! Chad and I each ordered the lunch special of a small house salad and a personal size pizza. We were pleasantly full after our meal; versus lie on the floor and don't breathe too deeply full. Lahaina Pizza Company has many local beers on tap and serves tempting cocktails. We enjoyed the tropical iced tea, instead of a cocktail, because we're no fun. The tea was refreshing with fruity overtones. This was one of the best value meals on Maui, with the added super-bonus of a million dollar view from this second floor restaurant overlooking the beachfront.


5. Frida's Beach House



Frida's Mexican Beach House Restaurant Commercial from Sascha Bauml on Vimeo.

Again with the amazing views, Maui! And, yeah, we ate Mexican food in Maui. We're from Austin. We need fresh salsa, tortilla chips and beans at least once a week! I appreciated the Chile Relleno and a house margarita on the rocks mucho. This meal was on the expensive side, but worth it.

Check back for more from Maui soon.

Maui = Amazing, Part Three

About a year ago when I started planning our trip to the Hawaiian Islands, Chad and I weren't sure which island/islands to visit. I bought a copy of Fodor's Travel Essential Hawaii from Book People. I asked every friend who I knew had traveled to the Hawaiian Islands. I read tripadvisor reviews. I watched youtube travel videos. I also made an honest wishlist for our vacation. Chad and I didn't need nightlife. We didn't want a "city" experience. We don't golf or play tennis. We wanted hiking, rain forests, beaches with wade-in snorkeling and a relaxing vibe. I am a bit scared of active volcanoes, but totally comfortable with a dormant volcano. All of my interviews with friends, reading the guide book, watching youtube traveler videos, reading reviews on tripadvisor.com and reviewing our wish list helped me decide on Maui, and only Maui, for our week-long Hawaiian vacation. Chad and I were both really pleased with our choice. 

Tuesday = Snorkeling Day!

One of the reasons I chose the Westin Maui Resort was its proximity to Black Rock Kaanapali. Black Rock is a prominent rocky peninsula on the North end of Kaanapali Beach. The rock outcropping makes for calmer waves nearby. Chad and I rented snorkel gear from the beachfront towel shack at Westin Maui, easy-peasy. I am not a strong swimmer, so I rented a floaty belt. I looked ridiculous. Better safe than sorry! We strolled about seven minutes down the beach, found a spot to park our towels on the beach at Black Rock and waded into the crystal clear waters. No boat needed! (Fun fact: All of Hawaii's beaches are public, even those in front of exclusive resorts. Hawaii state law requires all resorts and hotels to offer public right-of-way access to the beach, along with public parking. Yay!)

The farther we got from the shore, the less crowded it was. That said, we were careful to pop our heads up every few minutes to stay aware of our surroundings and kept tabs on each other. We reveled in the clear water and the variety of tropical fish we could see. I saw lots of other snorkelers using GoPro waterproof cameras on selfie sticks or on headbands. For a second I envied the GoPro users, but then I remembered to just enjoy the snorkeling. Chad and I saw so many beautiful fish including: butterfly fish, needlefish, parrotfish, surgeonfish, boxfish, damselfish, Moorish idol, goatfish and big marine turtles. A big turtle swam right past me while snorkeling. I tried to be respectful of the turtle's space. These are endangered species. It is against the law to "pet" them, bother them, touch them or chase them. The turtle swam closer to me as an official looking person in a uniform on the shore yelled at everyone to stay at least ten feet away from the turtle. I backed away from the turtle as best as I could in my flippers. I hope the turtle wasn't offended. 

*Click each fish name for links that have photos.*

Here's a lovely GoPro video of snorkeling at Black Rock. Thanks to Jim Sheaffer for sharing!

More from Maui soon, including top 5 meals, hiking at Haleakala and exploring the resort.

Maui = Amazing, Part Two

A bit of history: Before Hawaii became the fiftieth state of the United States of America in 1959, Hawaii was a sovereign nation recognized by the United Nations. The monarchy of Hawaii was overthrown by resident European and American capitalists in 1893. Hawaii was an independent republic until 1898 when it officially became a territory of the United States. The Iolani Palace in Honolulu served as the capitol of the Republic of Hawaii. The Iolani Palace featured electricity, indoor plumbing and working elevators before the White House in mainland United States of America did.

Thanks to wikipedia and the television show Adam Ruins Everything, I had a basic understanding that not all the history of Hawaii was rainbows, beaches and palm trees. There were also plagues brought by germy explorers, stolen land, wrongful subjugation, squashing of native traditions and other shameful stuff most people don't like to think about while on a tropical vacation.



Our tour bus driver on the Road to Hana delivered a heavy-handed sermon on these historical misdeeds and traced his native Hawaiian bloodline, all before we stopped for breakfast. Our tour group consisted of Chad and me from Austin, another couple from some other part of Texas and seven African-American (this is relevant, I swear) senior citizens from Chicago who were all acquainted with each other. Our tour bus driver went on to state as part of his history lecture that Barack Obama was not legally president of the United States of America, because he was born in Hawaii which should still be recognized as an independent nation. This statement was met with stony silence from every person on the bus (besides the driver) and a few dropped jaws.

Later our tour guide/driver relayed a story about chickens on Maui getting loose during a hurricane, explaining the feral chicken population. He said, "Like Malcolm X, these chickens were saying, 'Free at last, free at last. Thank God, we're free at last." (Nope. That is a loose quotation taken completely out of context from a speech by Martin Luther King Jr.) After a beat, one of the ladies from Chicago said, "That's okay. He doesn't know our history. He knows his own history." I appreciate that Carol from Chicago said this, and diffused an awkward and offensive moment.

Assuming you don't get the same tour guide driver we endured, I highly recommend taking a guided tour with a professional driver of the Road to Hana. The Road to Hana features 617 curves, 54 one lane bridges, tropical rainforests, bamboo jungles, black sand beaches with lava tubes, waterfalls, cliffs and tropical streams with pools. We enjoyed the breathtaking scenery while a local, professional navigated the crazy curves and one lane bridges. Our tour stopped at a beach with lava rock outcroppings, a famous black sand beach, Oheo Gulch (a.k.a. Seven Sacred Pools), a lovely local farm to market stand, Wailua Falls, Charles Lindberg's gravesite and another farm to market stand in the rolling hills of the dry side of Maui. The Road to Hana tour allowed us to see an amazing diversity of Maui landscapes and climates. The day we went was drizzly, but the day before we went had heavy rains complete with rockslides. Thankfully we weren't impeded by rockslides, but were treated to rushing waterfalls.

Keanae Peninsula

Keanae Peninsula

Black Sand Beach

The beautiful flowers hanging in those trees are bright turquoise

Baby pineapple plants

Oheo Gulch (a.k.a. Seven Sacred Pools) raging waters

A tall, raging waterfall & some ladies' heads

Maui's version of the Grand Canyon

Due to a brief stop to let road construction clear and traffic on the way back to our resort, our Road to Hana tour took just under thirteen hours. We loved the amazing views on Road to Hana! My photos from that cloudy, drizzly day don't do it justice. In retrospect, I even appreciate the history lesson from our tour guide. But, for real, he should work on his heavy delivery, and consider his audience with a bit more care and thoughtfulness. 

More from gorgeous Maui soon. (So. Much. More.)