Monday, May 20, 2013

Let's Talk About My Ennui


 [ahn-weeahn-wee; French ahn-nwee]
a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom: The endless lecture produced an unbearable ennui.
1660–70;  < French:  boredom; Old French enui  displeasure

I now work thirty seven hours a week on average at that retail place. Pretty sneaky how they don't give me a full forty hours, so they don't have to give me any benefits. Employees are dropping like flies at that retail place. There was a mass exodus of five different managers over the past six months. Only the poor, pitiful, beat-down store manager remains with a few new managers who are still struggling to find their footing. About six weeks ago, I gave my two week notice that I wanted the heck out of Crazytown. (Crazytown referring to that retail place.) After some wailing, gnashing of teeth and negotiating, I was persuaded to stay in Crazytown with the understanding that I would work visual merchandising (a.k.a. the make it pretty team), and help with sales "once in a while". I currently spend about two-thirds of my work week doing sales (Heaven help me, how I loathe working sales) and about one-third of my work week making it pretty. This is not cool, and not what I bargained for. 

I'm so tired from my physically and emotionally intensive workplace, that I have little energy for housekeeping, grocery shopping, pet care and general fun-having. 

My sweet husband, Chad runs his own successful business. It takes many, many hours of work each week. I feel terrible asking Mr. Workerbee (a.k.a. Chad) to do chores or pet care beyond walking our sweet, pesky dog. He also has very little free time, and very little energy to spare.

I don't like my car, but count my many blessings that I have a car to drive, and am not stuck relying on public transportation (not one of Austin's strong points) or biking (bike lanes also not one of Austin's strong points).

Austin has too much traffic and too many people. Sometimes I feel a tendency to become a very happy shut-in, until I remember that I don't really like to cook. I need to get out to restaurants and salad bars, because we can not live on Luna bars alone.

I love my four pets, and am so happy they are healthy and still with me. However, there are too many pets and not enough of me to give them all the attention and care that they deserve. Of course, I'm keeping them! Friends for life, and all that!

I tried to arrange a monthly outing for the friends I wish I saw more. The first outing drew five people out of twelve invited. The second outing drew three people out of eleven invited. The third outing drew me and only me. I felt like a jerk trying to reserve a table for five at a not-very-busy restaurant, sending texts of the where-are-you variety and leaving in defeat after it was clear that no one else could attend, and that the server wanted me out of there. So I stopped arranging the monthly outing. I got one email wanting to know if I would revive the monthly outing, to which I replied, "Nope, but you go ahead and try. Good luck."

In short, I am running with the rats in this crazy race. I am tired. I should be enjoying my many blessings, but I don't have enough time or energy. I think many of my friends are in the same boat. I'm crunching numbers and brainstorming on how to make day to day life better. Send me happy thoughts.

Wishing you peace, prosperity and enough time to enjoy your life.