Friday, July 08, 2016

I'm the Worst Brunch Date

Chad loves brunch. It's one of his favorite things. He loves all the egg dishes, especially eggs benedict. He loves pancakes. He loves coffee. He loves a good bloody mary.

Chad does not take very much time in getting ready for the day. In under ten minutes he brushes his teeth, puts a little product in his hair, applies suncreen and chooses an outfit from his very well edited and curated closet. (Yes. I curated and constantly edit his closet. You're welcome.)

I stay up later, and sleep later, than most polite earthlings. Brunch hours don't jive with my night owl ways. I don't like a big meal early in my day. I prefer iced tea to coffee at just about any hour. I find bloody mary drinks repulsive. *gack* A mimosa is nice in the early evening on a hot day. I don't like eggs, especially eggs benedict. *gag* I may be the only person who doesn't love pancakes. Pancakes are okay, but not really cake, and not really proper nutrition. Why spend the calories on them?

I take much more time than Chad does to ready myself for the day, minimum fifteen minutes, but usually thirty minutes. It feels like work when I have to rush to ready myself to beat the crowds to brunch for food and drinks I don't love at a time of day when my face hurts. Yes. That time of day is anytime before 11:30 AM. I'm chrono-delayed. It's a thing. If you need something done at 1:30 AM, I'm your girl. We all have our strengths.

Part of going vegan means that I don't have to suffer through egg brunch dishes anymore. Yay! I can just eat the carbs and beans that I like. Hash browns or home fries, with black beans, vegan toast, maybe some steamed broccoli: these are all yummy brunch foods to me. I still have an issue with the timing of brunch, and the long waits to "brunch" anywhere decent. I still won't be a brilliant, sparkling conversationalist at brunch, because it happens early in my day. Sorry.

If you love brunch, I will go with you. I will be the worst brunch date, but you don't have to brave it alone. Are you going to finish those hash browns? May I have them?