I Made This!

Friday I took a super-fun furniture upholstery class at Spruce here in Austin. The result is this lovely bench. I got the fabric at Fanny's Fabrics on South Lamar on sale for a steal! The bench will spend its days in Chad's fancy new office.

Lenten Vegan & the Circle of Judgement

I'm a vegetarian. I love cuddly critters. It's hard for me to look at animals and draw a line between "let's be friends" and "you are food".

What a person chooses to put into or onto their body is a very personal decision. I don't presume to preach to anyone that they should be a vegetarian based on my personal beliefs. However, I've been on the receiving end of many tirades about how I should not eat eggs (not even free-range, organic eggs) or dairy products (not even ethically raised, humanely harvested, organic milk or cheese). I've also read reports about reduction of honeybee populations and mysterious honey shortages.

Lent starts with Ash Wednesday on February 22 this year. For forty days through Easter on April 8, I will go vegan. Vegans abstain from using or consuming products that contain animals or animal byproducts. Personally, the hardest part for me will be avoiding honey and beeswax. I'll have to give up honey in my tea and my favorite beeswax lip balms. Luckily, most of my bath and cosmetic products are already vegan. I'll miss cheese and milk, but will experiment with nut cheeses, soy cheeses, almond milk and coconut milk. (I already know I loathe soy milk. Ick.)

Living in Austin, vegan options at restaurants, bakeries, ice cream shops, grocery stores and cosmetic sections abound. I'll enjoy exploring the plethora of products. If I have to travel during Lent, it may be tough to find vegan food, but I'll plan ahead.

I'm not throwing out my wool, cashmere or leather that I already own. I stopped buying leather a few years ago, reasoning that the pigs and cows die for that leather. However, I still have leather shoes, bags and belts purchased many years ago. Little baby lambs die to make shearling, so none of that in my possession! I still buy cashmere and wool, because the sheep and goats are shaved, not killed. Admittedly I should do more research on whether the woolly-beasts enjoy good living conditions. I won't purchase any new animal byproducts during Lent. If you stumble upon a cashmere sale of epic proportions, I do NOT want to know!

Will I remain a vegan after Lent? Maybe... but I'll likely go back to being lazy vegetarian who enjoys dairy products and cashmere socks. Don't judge, please.

Chad is going vegetarian for Lent this year. I'm proud of him, and ready to support him. I'll also reserve judgement when Lent ends.

Self Promotion

Yeah, yeah. I don't pay to watch you work, but some of you have actually asked me about upcoming public shows. Here's your chance to catch me at work.

Wednesday, January 25 at 8:00 PM

Fronterafest Short Fringe at Hyde Park Theatre

The Requirements by Max Langert

Tickets available at Hyde Park Theatre's website.

Fronterafest Short Fringe runs like a round robin tournament. If the judges, audience and/or technical theatre crew like us, you may be able to catch the show again.

Monday, February 6 at 7:00 PM

Murder Mystery Players at Maggiano's in the Domain

Death Plays the Market: It doesn't pay to be the accountant to a wealthy couple on October 29, 1929. Fabulous vintage costumes make this show extra fun!

Call 512-501-7870 for reservations!

Retail (can be) Hell

In the course of my varied and spotty work history, I've held many retail positions.

1. Mervyn's somewhere in Plano, TX one summer in high school: I worked in the home goods section. I didn't know the merchandise very well, but I could balance a cash register quickly & correctly, helped customers pretty well and compulsively cleaned & tidied.

One day a fellow male employee of high-school age followed me to the stock room where he cornered me, begging me to let him touch my butt. I literally ran from him, but didn't report him. I missed that very special episode of 90210 that dealt with sexual harassment in the workplace. On the plus side, I still have a pretty beach towel that I bought with my employee discount.

2. Margo's at Collin Creek Mall during high school and college holidays: Margo's sold inexpensive, but not disposable, women's clothes, shoes and accessories. I worked there longer than any other employee, training most of my managers along the way, and outlasting their tenure. I knew the inventory like the back of my hand.

Once, a sweet, cross-dressing man wanted to try on the ladies' clothes in the ladies-only fitting room. I let him. None of the women shopping at Margo's that day were bothered by him. He was very polite, though I did question some of his color choices. Moss-green with his coloring? Eww.

One year around Christmas, a frazzled middle-aged man entered the store waving a Victoria's Secret catalogue in the air. "Oh great." I said to myself, pondering how to best eschew this probable pervert. When I tried to direct him to the Victoria's Secret store, he sighed with exasperation. "My wife wants clothes, not lingerie, from this Victoria's Secret Catalogue, but I waited too long. The clothes are sold out. I need to find clothes that are like these she picked." Ooooohhh.

3. Breed & Company on 29th Street during summer and fall of my senior year of college: I was relegated to the cashier corral where I stood behind a cash register for hours on end. For the most part, I really liked working at Breed's. Except for that one time a very wealthy old man argued with me about the sales tax on his receipt for ten minutes while the line behind him grew longer and longer. Then a few of the customers who witnessed the exchange decided that they should also treat me as if I were mentally incompetent, and fuss at me. You know, since I made them wait so long in that line while I let that rich old man fuss at me.

4. Toy Joy during spring of my senior year of college: Toy Joy continues to be that hipster paradise for all things cheap, plastic, glow-in-the-dark and/or Sanrio. Kids of all ages flock to this place conveniently located near the University of Texas.

The other employees during my short employment at Toy Joy hated me. I didn't have enough of an alternative lifestyle, enough piercings or enough tattoos for their liking. They tried to get me fired, and very nearly succeeded until one of the owners worked a shift with me. At the end of the shift Owner-Lady told me I was a great employee, and apologized for nearly firing me based on punk-rock hearsay. I blew that popsicle stand shortly before graduation, because life is too short to deal with surly co-workers.

5. That store that shall not be named. I'm scared to write much about this place lest one of the litigious-happy owners accuse me of defamation. Let's just say I still have nightmares about this store and one of the owners. My toes still bear scars from ten hour days spent in high heels on concrete floors. But, dang, I made a ton of money there!

6. Old Navy one holiday season: Again with the concrete floors, but this time in sneakers for not much money. This Old Navy, now closed, was right by my apartment on the sketchy side of town. Homeless people would wander in and talk my ear off, because I was a captive and polite audience.

I used the employee discount to treat everyone to clothes from Old Navy that Christmas. I liked my coworkers, but couldn't deal with the low pay after the holiday season.

7. J. Crew for two years post-college in that dying mall: Working in an upscale store in a dying mall was too weird. People did, and left, some crazy things in the J. Crew fitting rooms.

An old lady with too much makeup and lots of obvious plastic surgery urinated in the big fitting room one day. I still see her at my gym. Just gross.

Lots of dirty diapers festered in the fitting rooms, despite our store's location next door to the public restrooms that had diaper changing stations. Cups of urine from potty-training gone wrong also made frequent appearances in the fitting rooms.

A flasher showed his junk to a sweet, unsuspecting female employee in those fitting rooms.

A customer yelled at me and berated me in the fitting rooms one day for not folding her pants cuff correctly. She then told me, "save the drama for your mama." Back at you, Lady Bossypants.

I found a tiny, plastic baggie of a powdered substance in the fitting room one busy Saturday. One of the younger employees informed me that I likely had an eight-ball of cocaine in my hand. Another employee who studied at UT Law School told me I should call the police and turn in the substance to the authorities. I did. A week later, I called the police with my case number to make sure I hadn't found a baggie of anthrax. Good news it wasn't anthrax. But, yep, it was low-quality cocaine cut with sugar.

Lots of people attempted to shoplift by putting on layers of clothes under their street clothes, or stuffing clothes into bags, backpacks or purses in the fitting rooms. J. Crew had tiny anti-theft devices sewn into the more expensive items that would set off the alarms as would-be shoplifters tried to exit. Employees were not allowed to accuse anyone of shoplifting or call mall security or the police, but we were allowed to suggest that people return to the fitting room. *Wink-wink.* Most would-be shoplifters were so embarrassed that they made up weird excuses about dental work or mobile phones setting off the alarm as they skulked back to the fitting rooms to dump the merchandise they were trying to steal.

Of course, I also found many of the anti-theft tags removed from clothes and stuffed behind the tiny space between the wall and fitting room mirrors, or tacked to the underside of the small stools in the fitting rooms, or stacked meticulously on top off the skinny wall frames separating the fitting rooms.

__________________________________

I'm writing cover letters to apply for some retail jobs this week. Upon reflection, one could correctly call into question my sanity. I need something to keep me out of gangs (like the Junior League) and off of drugs (like martinis during the daytime). I also need to make more money than my weekly acting gigs can pay if I'm to keep up with my fashion aspirations. *Sigh.* I have great taste and a limited budget. (I'm looking at you, Nanette Lepore!)

Babysitting

Chad agreed to hosting more kittens at the 1952 House for a few days while their regular foster-mom travels for work. Meet Minnie, Melia and Matthew! They are shy wee beasties, but very playful.

2012 Resolutions

1. Drink more! (water.)

2. Defy gravity! (with regular trips to the gym.)

3. Continue to volunteer! (because the pay is amazing.)

4. Visit a foreign country I haven't been to yet. (Front runner is Ireland.)

5. Celebrate my 30th birthday in style! (and not admit my real age unless under oath.)

Last Saturday

I spent part of last Saturday volunteering at Austin Pets Alive Tarrytown. It's a tough job, snuggling puppies and kitties. Oh yeah, and greeting the human visitors.

This puppy is Jett. He's a Catahoula-mix. I love him, but explained to him about the overcrowding sitch at the 1952 House. He's gonna find a great home... with someone else.

Weekend Guests!

Chad and I hosted the BEST weekend guests ever at the 1952 House Saturday night and part of Sunday: kittens! We babysat the little fuzzy sugarplums while their foster-mom partook in some holiday cheer. Honestly, the kittens were holiday cheer for me.

At 25 days old, the babies eat every three hours during the day and can go up to six hours overnight between feedings. Totally worth the slightly out-of-ordinary schedule: Mouse, Moonpie and Magee were great little eaters.

Kenji and Sonic (resident cranky cats at the 1952 House) didn't like the kittens much, but Marigold (old lady Persian cat) and Janie (just the best dog ever) expressed respectful fascination with the babies. Let the squee-ing begin!

Our guests fit into a tiny hamster cage!

Moonpie lounging with his tiny Teddy-bear.

Done!

Learning a new script for a role/show I haven't done before is stressful. I try to pretend it isn't. Pretending doesn't work. Procrastinating also doesn't work.

Tonight I did a new show in San Antonio for a private party. All week I worked on the character and memorized lines. I assembled my costume including lots of accessories and a borrowed wig. I researched our client and the historic hotel which hosted our show, so I could throw in references to personalize the script.

I drove in Friday afternoon traffic for over two-and-a-half hours on rain-soaked roads with fellow actors who don't know the meaning of "use your indoor voice". Yes, white-knuckled the whole way.

The show itself was so much fun to perform. The audience thoroughly enjoyed it, and participated enthusiastically where they should. Several people approached me after the show to offer compliments -- always a welcome bonus to the paycheck!

Despite my ringing ears and headache from being trapped in a car with my fellow actors for over four hours today, I guess it was worth it. (And, yes, we made much better time on the return trip.)

Now that I have this "first" of playing a new role under my belt, I can sleep easier, breathe a sigh of relief and start reading a new book. *sigh* Now where is my favorite bookmark? You know, the one shaped like a kitten?

Out, damned moth!

Chad walked inside the front door of the 1952 House with Janie's faux-fur couch blanket, fresh from the dryer, draped over one shoulder. While still holding the security door ajar, he started doing a crazy dance and announcing in a panicked voice, "Oww! Moth!" Janie-dog and I gazed on in confused concern and no small amount of fear. Chad commanded, "Get the tweezers!" as he ran towards the bathroom, dropping Janie's blanket on a chair.

"What?!" I'm sure at this point it seemed to Chad as if I moved at a glacial pace, unwilling to render aid. I had yet to register what happened, or why I needed tweezers. "A moth flew into my ear," Chad fussed.

"Oh!...Oh, no!" I fussed.

Then I heard the awful noise of tiny wings beating rapidly inside Chad's ear canal. I couldn't see anything in Chad's ear, but I could hear it. "Oww! Get it out!" I tentatively put the tweezers near Chad's ear canal, but still unable to see the moth, decided not to poke the tweezers beyond where I could see. Chad told me to get a flashlight, which didn't help. Chad and I can't remember who decided we should put the moth out of its frantic misery with Swim-Ear drops, but we did. The poor moth died, but quit flapping its wings against Chad's eardrum, and quit traveling deeper into Chad's ear.

Let's pause for a brief public service announcement. As Chad and I learned from an Internet search conducted after the moth died, but while it was still lodged against his eardrum, if a bug flies or crawls into your ear, do not panic. (Much more easily advised than done.) Do not put tweezers or a cotton swab into the ear canal, as it may cause injury, and will likely push the bug deeper into the ear. One should seek medical treatment to remove the foreign object from one's ear.

However, if you feel ridiculous seeking treatment for a moth in your ear, you can try putting olive oil or baby oil into your ear to flush out the interloper. We tried olive oil with no luck. We also tried a warm water wash delivered via a nasal flush bottle from all sorts of different angles with no luck. Again, at Chad's urging, I tried (very gingerly) to tweeze the now-dead moth out of Chad's ear with no luck. Chad brought a different, brighter flashlight to try and help me see the moth with no luck.

I finally offered to take Chad to either the Emergency Room or the minor emergency clinic if we could find one that was open on a Sunday night. After a bit of hemming and hawing, more Internet searching, Chad finally said he would drive himself to the urgent care clinic. "You are not driving yourself! What if that moth wakes up?" I nagged.

Luckily, we were the only customers in the urgent care clinic. The receptionist didn't bat an eye when Chad announced his reason for visiting. The nurse and doctor delivered two warm water flushes before they could see the moth with their medical-grade ear-looking-tool. "I can see it!" announced the nurse with equal parts victory and revulsion. One more warm water flush brought the moth close enough to the ear opening for the doctor to grab the carcass with an intimidatingly long pair of snub-nose, tweezers.

Chad, the nurse, the doctor and I all gazed at the enormous, wet moth body on the medical tray. Gross and fascinating! The doctor smiled and told us that the cover of the urgent care textbook featured an illustration of a person with a bug in their ear, but that this was her first case of bug in the ear. After the nurse flushed Chad's ear once more to get out the moth dust, the doctor brought the textbook into the exam room for a humorous viewing of the cover. Chad's case, while highly unusual, was literally textbook cover material.

It didn't end well for the moth, but Chad feels much better now. He learned a valuable lesson not to dilly-dally near porch lights lest an unwelcome bug fly into one's ear.

Dream House To-Do List

I'm watching Curb Appeal on HGTV as I fold laundry and iron this morning. Big mistake! It's giving me too many ideas for the 1952 House.

Outside:

Replace parking pad with interlocking paver stones to match driveway.

Extend the covered carport so my car and Chad's new car can both be covered.

Replace carport columns.

Reorient carport steps to run parallel to living room wall with new railing.

Replace steps to front door with safer tread, evenly spaced steps.

Inside:

New bathtub: Current tub isn't draining well despite interventions, plus the new glaze painstakingly applied four years ago is chipping and peeling.

New under-cabinet lights in kitchen.

Although, if we had enough money to do all this stuff, it might be better to just move into a house closer to downtown that already has more of our wish-list items such as a fireplace, indoor laundry room, automatic dishwasher and second bathroom. Off to buy a lotto ticket and look for a holiday job!

Happy Halloween!

Give you one guess which one is mine and which is Chad's.

I Like Puzzles

Further proof of my semi-reclusive tendencies as evidenced by photos of puzzles Chad and I completed over the past few months. Both 1000 pieces each, thank you very much! Illustrations go much faster than photos.

Taking the 1929 Show on the Road

The Austin chapter of Murder Mystery Players takes the show on the road next Saturday, October 29 as we perform Death Plays the Market at the San Antonio Dave & Buster's. I love this show, partly because I get to wear a vintage, floor-length, jewel-encrusted evening gown complete with a tiara and fan. The mystery begins with the great stock market crash of October 29, 1929 and a scoundrel of an accountant.

This show is open to the public if you want to make a little road trip to San Antonio, or if you happen to be a reader from San Antonio. Dave & Busters San Antonio sits at the crossroads of I-10 and Loop 410 at 440 Crossroads Boulevard in 78201. Their phone number is 210-515-1515 if you'd like to call for reservations to next Saturday night's show. As soon as I have more details, I'll post them here.

We're also performing Death Plays the Market in Steiner Ranch next Thursday for a private party. Hooray, paychecks! I'll be able to afford a chandelier I've got my eye on for the dining room.

Hopes, Fears and Dreams

Chad and I employ a few idiosyncratic (your SAT word for the day) conversation starters in our weird little lexicon (bonus SAT word for the day). In the past I blogged about "Do you like... stuff?", a quote from The Simpsons which aims to check one's general well-being and current interests. One of our other conversation starters, "Tell me your hopes, fears and dreams." dates back to our early dating days when I tried to make a semi-nonverbal, teenage male (Chad) talk about subjects outside of classwork.

A few days ago while walking our sweet, silly Janie-belle, Chad prompted me for my hopes, fears and dreams.

I replied, "Kittens."

"That's it. Just kittens?" he asked.

"Yes. I miss feeding the kittens at the bottle baby nursery, but the last time I went there were too many kittens. I got really overwhelmed when it took seven hours to feed 56 kittens. I know there are less kittens now. I might go back and volunteer again next week."

"We could foster some kittens if you want," offered my hero of a husband, Chad.

"Maybe after our fall family trip."

Should anyone ever accuse me of being a bad person for not feeling terribly maternal towards people-babies, please remember that I love kittens and puppies. I'll gladly awaken every two or three hours to bottle-feed kittens and puppies, to help them go potty, and to re-heat their warming disks or reset their heating pads. Helpless, furry orphans pull at me like nothing else. To each their own, right?

Donate to a Great Non-profit

Our sweet, silly dog, Janie Lulabelle-May, or Janie-belle for short, or Janie for even shorter, suffered some kind of injury while living on the streets. Janie limped on one of her back legs and her left eye rolled in its socket with icky discharge. She may have jumped from something high and landed badly, been glanced by a car or been abused. We don't know what caused the injuries, but we do know that the wonderful people at Animal Trustees of Austin gave Janie a Femoral Head Ostectomy surgery to help her hip heal and eye surgery to help her see better before we adopted her from Blue Dog Rescue. Thanks to Animal Trustees of Austin, Janie now walks two miles a day with no discomfort and has better use of her left eye. Thanks to Animal Trustees of Austin, Janie became an adoptable dog rather than a sad statistic of another dog euthanized at the shelter because her care would have been too expensive.

Click on the link below to join my fundraising efforts for Animal Trustees of Austin to help them provide low cost and free veterinary care. I'll also put a widget in my blog's sidebar so you can track progress towards my goal of raising $250 for Animal Trustees of Austin before November 13.

Thanks from me, Chad & Janie Lulabelle-May

*Click to Donate*

Thank You!

Dear Birthday Bunny &/or Mother Nature,

Best. Gift. Ever.

Thanks so much for making it rain most of the day on my birthday! It was gorgeous and much-needed! I loved it.

Your pal,

Jenn

Dear Birthday Bunny,

Sorry for the late notice, but in roughly 48 hours, it will be my birthday. You knew that, right? Had it marked on your calendar with a big heart drawn in pink highlighter, I'm sure. It feels like my most recent birthday was just last month. Time flies when you're getting old!

Can you have a sit-down with Mother Nature and ask her to make it rain on or near my birthday? I'd love some rain, please! I'll also direct you to my fancy Wist gadget parading up the side of this open letter. Perhaps you noticed that I removed the cars from the list. I'm set for a car. Chad even got my current ride detailed so it shines like sparkle gel. I don't mind if rain gets on my clean car though!

The usual suspects appear on my plea for charitable donations: Austin Pets Alive, Capital Area Food Bank and Emancipet. This year, I'm adding a new charity to my list in your honor: House Rabbit Resource Network.

Thanks, Birthday Bunny.

Hoppy Trails!

Jenn

No BYOP Here

After exhaustive, dizzying discussions which Chad politely endured, I've decided not to host a BYOP (Bring Your Own Pumpkin) Party this year. The reasons for not hosting the party are many and varied. At the risk of sounding like "The Grinch Who Stole Halloween", I'll list my top three reasons.

1. Overall, less people carve a pumpkin each year at the BYOP party. Last year guests mostly stood around the kitchen or sat in the living room drinking and chatting. Which is fine, but kind of frustrating when I put so much time, thought, effort and money into throwing a pumpkin-carving party.

2. The record-breaking drought this summer left our yard with huge cracks, craters and exposed rocks, many opportunities to twist an ankle, or to trip and fall on one's face. I'd hate for a candy-fueled child to get hurt running amok in our yard. Plus the backyard isn't a pleasant place to congregate currently, unless you like the dust bowl aesthetic.

3. I just don't have the energy this year. I'm tired.

My curmudgeonly ways do not affect your ability to carve a pumpkin at your house. Have fun. Be safe. Send photos.

Car Chat

My first Saturday free from working in many months was spent test-driving cars with Chad. The day started with a slightly used 2011 white BMW 128i with 15K miles. I was bored. It drove like my current BMW. It had a backseat, but should not have. I'd rather make a few minor repairs to my current car than drop the major coin to drive a smaller version of my current car in a boring color. Plus the older man trying to sell me the car called me "young lady" which brought all negotiations to a screeching halt. You're not my (dearly departed) dad, and I'm not in trouble. Don't dare call me "young lady", unless I may call you "old man jerkface".

Next we popped up the block to the Mini Cooper dealership and drove the Mini Cooper S-coupe, or I should say Chad drove the six-speed manual. What a fun, gorgeous, FUN ride! I need more practice before I confidently drive a stick shift, but I'm in LOVE! No pretense, no fuss and no backseat, because who are they kidding?

Fed, caffeinated and properly medicated for allergies, Chad and I both had the energy to continue the test-drives at Volkswagen. I drove the 2012 Beetle. Charming exterior with glimpses of old-school Porsche made me drool just a bit. Unfortunately, the ride was bumpy with a bit too much road noise. Like the BMW 128i, the new Beetle has a nearly useless backseat, but for much cheaper than a BMW.

Chad test-drove a new GTI. (Full disclosure, Chad drove a GTI a couple of years in the past, and I loathed that car.) In a nutshell, I think we both found this newer GTI quick-footed, but claustrophobia-inducing with a rattly ride.

Verdict: I want to make a few minor repairs to my current BMW and leave well enough alone. I love the color of my current car, the handling, the safety features, the non-dead leatherette interior with a semi-comfortable backseat.

I want Chad to sell his car to buy a new Mini Cooper S-coupe with all the custom bells and whistles. He works so hard, and deserves to have a car that is both safer and much more fun than his current ride. Plus, I get to ride in the fabulous new Mini Cooper and learn to drive a manual transmission.