Sometimes a Manic Hobgoblin gets the better of me. I live in a sweet, old house in central Austin. I travel a few times each year. I have too many pets, and love each one more than the next.
I quit my Lenten vegan quest last Sunday with weeks to go until Easter. I'm no longer vegan, but a lacto-ovo-vegetarian once more, and likely for the rest of my days. I definitely learned some things during my vegan experimentation.
I love my not-tested-on-animals, made in the USA, available in eleventy-million delicious flavors, Bonne Bell Lipsmackers, which have beeswax in them. The vegan hemp oil lip balms can't compete on price, flavors or moisturizing. Sorry bees.
I am not at all lactose-intolerant, but I am quite soy-sensitive. I'll spare you the disgusting details of discomfort. Trust me. Tofu and other highly-processed soy products do BAD things to my digestive tract.
Vegan cheese and vegan milk substitutes are so not to my liking.
I ate more highly processed foods as a vegan and gained a few pounds. I felt denied at meal times. Consequently, I overindulged in junky food stuff that parades as healthy.
If I had a million dollars, lived in downtown Austin and could eat every meal from the Whole Foods salad bar or ready-prepped sections, avoiding soy products, I might do okay as a vegan. I still wouldn't ENJOY being vegan.
If you think it's a pain in the patootie trying to dine out with a vegetarian, multiply that by at least ten when it comes to dining out with a vegan, especially in the suburbs or in cities that are less hippie-dippie-tolerant than Austin. A little perspective: Austin recently ranked #8 on the list for the most vegetarian/vegan-friendly cities in the United States of America.
Did I mention the soy-sensitive thing? Yeah? Well, it bears repeating. I am soy-sensitive, and it is pretty dang uncomfortable.
There. My terrible confession. I'm a vegetarian, but I can't make it as a vegan for even forty days.
Time for me to procrastinate again. I have another script to re-memorize. At least eighteen months passed since I last performed this show. I'm the detective (again) which means I must remember the lion's share of the lines. I set the terrible precedent of memorizing the entire script back in my younger, brighter-eyed days. Dangit!
If you have $60 to spare, you can attend the show.
I've mentioned before on this blog that I am no longer on facebook. I deleted my account permanently last year. I got tired of seeing photos of events to which I was not invited. (Busted! You know who you are.) I got tired of reading the 15 congratulatory comments about every little thing that someone deigned to humble-brag in a status update. I got tired of being forced to "like" marketing campaigns under false pretenses when I really just wanted to enter a sweepstakes. I got tired of seeing people play their most well edited, greatest hits. I want to hear my friends, colleagues and acquaintances hit that achingly honest sour note once in a while, because if you're not going to be honest (funny-looking moles, bad vacations and all), then we're not really friends and never will be.
While still on facebook, I also caught myself wanting to search for people with whom I attended elementary school, junior high and the first two years of high school, but not really wanting to find them. In a weird way, I want to keep those happy, and even those not-so-happy memories of the people, places and times spent together in context. I don't want to know if my favorite little boyfriend from sixth grade got fat, lost all his hair and now sells used tires for a living to support his eight children and six ex-wives. I want to remember how we made each other laugh, got into trouble together for not paying attention in class and how we didn't speak to each other out of overly-self-conscious embarrassment for the four days we were officially "going together".
My family moved around more than most during my school years. I wouldn't know these former elementary and junior high classmates walking around in adult skin if I bumped into them on the street, so why should I spy on them online? Plus, if you moved around to new places like I did as a kid, you may agree that the only upside to helplessly being uprooted every few years was the opportunity to reinvent yourself. While my senior year high school friends might still recognize me, and think "yeah, that makes sense", anyone from elementary school probably forgot me many years ago. On the off chance that those elementary schoolmates do remember me, the adult version of me likely wouldn't be relevant compared to the fourth-grade version of me that they remember.
Lately I have been acutely aware that I don't have any lifelong (or even nearly lifelong) friendships. This lack of super-longstanding friendships leaves me feeling a bit untethered at times, yet also free from the past. I feel free to enjoy life in the moment, without worrying about how to spin it into a status update that will impress (or at least not alienate) friends, frenemies and family. I feel unfettered by past expectations and declarations. I appreciate the people in my life (really in my life) that much more.
Even vegetarian restaurants might bring you a buttered (with butter made from cow milk), toasted bun when you order the supposedly vegan veggie burger. Ugh.
I like scrambled tofu better than I like scrambled eggs. Yay!
Sweet Ritual is a vegan ice cream shop near my house. They serve a "Glitterbeast Sundae" which is my new favorite indulgence. Yum!
Almond milk tastes like a milkshake, and is too thick. Coconut milk is too fatty. Low-fat rice milk is almost just right until the rice aftertaste hits. None of these stand up to hot coffee or hot tea. Eww.
Thank goodness for Wheatsville Coop and their clearly labeled vegan bakery items, hot food bar items and cold case takeaway items. The popcorn tofu po'boy sandwich is super-tasty and satisfying.
Being a vegan proves to be more expensive and require much more planning than being a vegetarian.
Lots of different junk foods are vegan including NewmanOs (like Oreos, but slightly healthier and more expensive) and most potato chips and tortilla chips. Of course fruits and vegetables are vegan, as well as many pastas. Finding vegan bread is tricky, unless I'm at Wheatsville Coop or Whole Foods. Thank goodness I live in Austin where most restaurants and food carts in town offer at least a few vegan dishes.
I thought that the vegetarian soy bacon in our freezer was vegan, but oops, the ingredients list clearly show egg and milk ingredients. So that was my first slip-up. I ate one piece on a bean taco Monday morning before scanning the ingredients.
On Leap Day yesterday, I was in San Antonio for a private show. Despite the fact that I planned ahead by slurping a vegan smoothie on the way to San Antonio and brought some almonds and an apple, I allowed myself some decidedly un-vegan cheesy noodles and a dinner roll after the show. I was hungry, tired, cranky and suffering from either a cold or terrible allergies. I needed some comfort food, and was in no position to find the vegan version of comfort food at 9:00 PM in the San Antonio Dave & Busters. Leap Day doesn't count, right?
With that confession, I started back on the vegan plan this morning. Chad and I are even going to try vegan pizza tonight. Don't worry, there's a backup dinner in the fridge in case it's gross.
I cannot overstate enough that I know the dinner mystery shows in which I am paid to act are expensive. I cannot overstate enough that I do not expect friends to attend. Here's the flyer for the next public show. The price has risen to $60 per person which includes delicious Maggiano's buffet dinner and the show, but does not include tax, tip or alcohol-drinks.
*Update: There are currently 66 reservations for Monday's show, so it's a go! Better get busy studying my lines, huh? The $60 price tag includes two drinks. If you drink wine or beer on Monday nights, then I guess the price is a better deal than previously thought.*
"I haven't seen her in, like, forever," sniffed Friend 1 while trying to decide whether or not to be personally offended by the conspicuous absence.
"Yeah. Me neither. I heard she, like, overdosed on live theatre. She's in rehab, or under house arrest or something," Friend 2 said in a stage-whisper. "Eww. I hope she has one of those ugly ankle bracelets to keep her off the stuff, you know, like Lindsay Lohan wears."
"Well I heard she's seeing a show tonight, then in a show tomorrow night. And, I totally busted her at Office Depot printing a new script for a show she's doing in two weeks. She tried to look all nonchalant and innocent about it. She may have ODed, but she's not in rehab. She's totally still using." Friend 3 clearly disapproved.
I love the 1952 House. I am truly thankful to have such a nice home.
That said, I look at real estate listings the way some people look at pornography: not too often but with guilty enthusiasm and wanting.
I've added my top three dream homes to that fancy "Wists" widget on the right side of the blog. Hubba, hubba! Look at those beauties!
*Update: After stalking, or, um driving by, the three houses in person, I've ditched one of them from my wish list. The offending house did not have covered parking, and dared to locate itself on a main artery from MoPac Expressway. Chad and I have shared too many homes on noisy roads here in Austin. We vow to learn from these highly trafficked experiences and find the perfect home tucked away on a quiet street next time.*
That show I did for the FronteraFest new works theatre festival won "best of week". I performed again with longtime-pal & author-extraordinaire, Max Langert, Saturday before last. Max's show is eligible to show twice again next week for "Best of Fest" at the Hyde Park Theatre to already sold-out crowds! I'll update when I find out the schedule for sure.
*UPDATE* Max's awesomely funny show "The Requirements" won Best of Fest! We are honored to perform again at Hyde Park Theatre on Tuesday 2/14 and Friday 2/17!
Last Saturday I performed with my Murder Mystery Players Austin pals in two back-to-back performances (double paycheck!) of "Murder on the Happy Trail" to benefit Friends of the Killeen Public Library. I survived the road-trip, and had a fabulous time at both shows! Friends of the Killeen Public Library already signed a contract for next February -- yay!
Last Monday I performed in the first Murder Mystery Mondays at Maggiano's for 110 lovely audience members. Thanks to heavy promotion from local oldies radio station 98.9 FM, we had two dining rooms opened up for the show. I had a blast, and felt such positive energy from the audience during that 1929 show "Death Plays the Market".
I'm loving the paychecks and positive energy garnered from doing what I am naturally & compulsively motivated to do!
That said, I still need to apply for a part-time day job next week. Sadly, I can't make ends meet on a stage actress' paycheck here in the ATX, not with my exquisite taste in fabrics, fashions and travel.
I should be studying two different scripts for three upcoming shows. Instead I'm salivating over Nanette Lepore's Spring Lookbook while wondering how long I'll have to wait for my favorite items to go on clearance sale, and admiring the preview of the Jason Wu line for Target while plotting my online shopping strategy.
I'm also sharing some photos of the current bedroom decor at the 1952 House. I redid the bedroom to the current colorful stuff over eighteen months ago. Before that, muted orange peacock bedding from West Elm graced the bed. I don't recall photographing, much less sharing that. Before the peacock bedding the well documented graphic brown & white Dwell bedding kept us cozy.
The lovely cat prints over the bed are by Medium Control print studio. I picked up the prints at Austin's Renegade Craft Fair last spring. The quilt and larger square pillow cover came from The Company Store, but are no longer available. The XOX pillow sales benefited St. Jude's and came from PB Teen in the 2010 holiday season. The quilted white pillow shams are from Target.
If I get a retail job at Crate & Barrel or West Elm later this month, I'll probably cash in on the employee discount with new bedding. I try to sublimate my (self-diagnosed) obsessive compulsive disorder in positive ways such as redecorating, rather than touching the oven knobs forty-eight times before leaving the house. I always launder, package, label and donate the still stylish cast-offs so that some lucky Goodwill shopper can redecorate their place. It's a win-win, really... REALLY!
Friday I took a super-fun furniture upholstery class at Spruce here in Austin. The result is this lovely bench. I got the fabric at Fanny's Fabrics on South Lamar on sale for a steal! The bench will spend its days in Chad's fancy new office.
I'm a vegetarian. I love cuddly critters. It's hard for me to look at animals and draw a line between "let's be friends" and "you are food".
What a person chooses to put into or onto their body is a very personal decision. I don't presume to preach to anyone that they should be a vegetarian based on my personal beliefs. However, I've been on the receiving end of many tirades about how I should not eat eggs (not even free-range, organic eggs) or dairy products (not even ethically raised, humanely harvested, organic milk or cheese). I've also read reports about reduction of honeybee populations and mysterious honey shortages.
Lent starts with Ash Wednesday on February 22 this year. For forty days through Easter on April 8, I will go vegan. Vegans abstain from using or consuming products that contain animals or animal byproducts. Personally, the hardest part for me will be avoiding honey and beeswax. I'll have to give up honey in my tea and my favorite beeswax lip balms. Luckily, most of my bath and cosmetic products are already vegan. I'll miss cheese and milk, but will experiment with nut cheeses, soy cheeses, almond milk and coconut milk. (I already know I loathe soy milk. Ick.)
Living in Austin, vegan options at restaurants, bakeries, ice cream shops, grocery stores and cosmetic sections abound. I'll enjoy exploring the plethora of products. If I have to travel during Lent, it may be tough to find vegan food, but I'll plan ahead.
I'm not throwing out my wool, cashmere or leather that I already own. I stopped buying leather a few years ago, reasoning that the pigs and cows die for that leather. However, I still have leather shoes, bags and belts purchased many years ago. Little baby lambs die to make shearling, so none of that in my possession! I still buy cashmere and wool, because the sheep and goats are shaved, not killed. Admittedly I should do more research on whether the woolly-beasts enjoy good living conditions. I won't purchase any new animal byproducts during Lent. If you stumble upon a cashmere sale of epic proportions, I do NOT want to know!
Will I remain a vegan after Lent? Maybe... but I'll likely go back to being lazy vegetarian who enjoys dairy products and cashmere socks. Don't judge, please.
Chad is going vegetarian for Lent this year. I'm proud of him, and ready to support him. I'll also reserve judgement when Lent ends.
Fronterafest Short Fringe runs like a round robin tournament. If the judges, audience and/or technical theatre crew like us, you may be able to catch the show again.
Monday, February 6 at 7:00 PM
Murder Mystery Players at Maggiano's in the Domain
Death Plays the Market: It doesn't pay to be the accountant to a wealthy couple on October 29, 1929. Fabulous vintage costumes make this show extra fun!
In the course of my varied and spotty work history, I've held many retail positions.
1. Mervyn's somewhere in Plano, TX one summer in high school: I worked in the home goods section. I didn't know the merchandise very well, but I could balance a cash register quickly & correctly, helped customers pretty well and compulsively cleaned & tidied.
One day a fellow male employee of high-school age followed me to the stock room where he cornered me, begging me to let him touch my butt. I literally ran from him, but didn't report him. I missed that very special episode of 90210 that dealt with sexual harassment in the workplace. On the plus side, I still have a pretty beach towel that I bought with my employee discount.
2. Margo's at Collin Creek Mall during high school and college holidays: Margo's sold inexpensive, but not disposable, women's clothes, shoes and accessories. I worked there longer than any other employee, training most of my managers along the way, and outlasting their tenure. I knew the inventory like the back of my hand.
Once, a sweet, cross-dressing man wanted to try on the ladies' clothes in the ladies-only fitting room. I let him. None of the women shopping at Margo's that day were bothered by him. He was very polite, though I did question some of his color choices. Moss-green with his coloring? Eww.
One year around Christmas, a frazzled middle-aged man entered the store waving a Victoria's Secret catalogue in the air. "Oh great." I said to myself, pondering how to best eschew this probable pervert. When I tried to direct him to the Victoria's Secret store, he sighed with exasperation. "My wife wants clothes, not lingerie, from this Victoria's Secret Catalogue, but I waited too long. The clothes are sold out. I need to find clothes that are like these she picked." Ooooohhh.
3. Breed & Company on 29th Street during summer and fall of my senior year of college: I was relegated to the cashier corral where I stood behind a cash register for hours on end. For the most part, I really liked working at Breed's. Except for that one time a very wealthy old man argued with me about the sales tax on his receipt for ten minutes while the line behind him grew longer and longer. Then a few of the customers who witnessed the exchange decided that they should also treat me as if I were mentally incompetent, and fuss at me. You know, since I made them wait so long in that line while I let that rich old man fuss at me.
4. Toy Joy during spring of my senior year of college: Toy Joy continues to be that hipster paradise for all things cheap, plastic, glow-in-the-dark and/or Sanrio. Kids of all ages flock to this place conveniently located near the University of Texas.
The other employees during my short employment at Toy Joy hated me. I didn't have enough of an alternative lifestyle, enough piercings or enough tattoos for their liking. They tried to get me fired, and very nearly succeeded until one of the owners worked a shift with me. At the end of the shift Owner-Lady told me I was a great employee, and apologized for nearly firing me based on punk-rock hearsay. I blew that popsicle stand shortly before graduation, because life is too short to deal with surly co-workers.
5. That store that shall not be named. I'm scared to write much about this place lest one of the litigious-happy owners accuse me of defamation. Let's just say I still have nightmares about this store and one of the owners. My toes still bear scars from ten hour days spent in high heels on concrete floors. But, dang, I made a ton of money there!
6. Old Navy one holiday season: Again with the concrete floors, but this time in sneakers for not much money. This Old Navy, now closed, was right by my apartment on the sketchy side of town. Homeless people would wander in and talk my ear off, because I was a captive and polite audience.
I used the employee discount to treat everyone to clothes from Old Navy that Christmas. I liked my coworkers, but couldn't deal with the low pay after the holiday season.
7. J. Crew for two years post-college in that dying mall: Working in an upscale store in a dying mall was too weird. People did, and left, some crazy things in the J. Crew fitting rooms.
An old lady with too much makeup and lots of obvious plastic surgery urinated in the big fitting room one day. I still see her at my gym. Just gross.
Lots of dirty diapers festered in the fitting rooms, despite our store's location next door to the public restrooms that had diaper changing stations. Cups of urine from potty-training gone wrong also made frequent appearances in the fitting rooms.
A flasher showed his junk to a sweet, unsuspecting female employee in those fitting rooms.
A customer yelled at me and berated me in the fitting rooms one day for not folding her pants cuff correctly. She then told me, "save the drama for your mama." Back at you, Lady Bossypants.
I found a tiny, plastic baggie of a powdered substance in the fitting room one busy Saturday. One of the younger employees informed me that I likely had an eight-ball of cocaine in my hand. Another employee who studied at UT Law School told me I should call the police and turn in the substance to the authorities. I did. A week later, I called the police with my case number to make sure I hadn't found a baggie of anthrax. Good news it wasn't anthrax. But, yep, it was low-quality cocaine cut with sugar.
Lots of people attempted to shoplift by putting on layers of clothes under their street clothes, or stuffing clothes into bags, backpacks or purses in the fitting rooms. J. Crew had tiny anti-theft devices sewn into the more expensive items that would set off the alarms as would-be shoplifters tried to exit. Employees were not allowed to accuse anyone of shoplifting or call mall security or the police, but we were allowed to suggest that people return to the fitting room. *Wink-wink.* Most would-be shoplifters were so embarrassed that they made up weird excuses about dental work or mobile phones setting off the alarm as they skulked back to the fitting rooms to dump the merchandise they were trying to steal.
Of course, I also found many of the anti-theft tags removed from clothes and stuffed behind the tiny space between the wall and fitting room mirrors, or tacked to the underside of the small stools in the fitting rooms, or stacked meticulously on top off the skinny wall frames separating the fitting rooms.
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I'm writing cover letters to apply for some retail jobs this week. Upon reflection, one could correctly call into question my sanity. I need something to keep me out of gangs (like the Junior League) and off of drugs (like martinis during the daytime). I also need to make more money than my weekly acting gigs can pay if I'm to keep up with my fashion aspirations. *Sigh.* I have great taste and a limited budget. (I'm looking at you, Nanette Lepore!)
Chad agreed to hosting more kittens at the 1952 House for a few days while their regular foster-mom travels for work. Meet Minnie, Melia and Matthew! They are shy wee beasties, but very playful.
I spent part of last Saturday volunteering at Austin Pets Alive Tarrytown. It's a tough job, snuggling puppies and kitties. Oh yeah, and greeting the human visitors.
This puppy is Jett. He's a Catahoula-mix. I love him, but explained to him about the overcrowding sitch at the 1952 House. He's gonna find a great home... with someone else.
Chad and I hosted the BEST weekend guests ever at the 1952 House Saturday night and part of Sunday: kittens! We babysat the little fuzzy sugarplums while their foster-mom partook in some holiday cheer. Honestly, the kittens were holiday cheer for me.
At 25 days old, the babies eat every three hours during the day and can go up to six hours overnight between feedings. Totally worth the slightly out-of-ordinary schedule: Mouse, Moonpie and Magee were great little eaters.
Kenji and Sonic (resident cranky cats at the 1952 House) didn't like the kittens much, but Marigold (old lady Persian cat) and Janie (just the best dog ever) expressed respectful fascination with the babies. Let the squee-ing begin!
Learning a new script for a role/show I haven't done before is stressful. I try to pretend it isn't. Pretending doesn't work. Procrastinating also doesn't work.
Tonight I did a new show in San Antonio for a private party. All week I worked on the character and memorized lines. I assembled my costume including lots of accessories and a borrowed wig. I researched our client and the historic hotel which hosted our show, so I could throw in references to personalize the script.
I drove in Friday afternoon traffic for over two-and-a-half hours on rain-soaked roads with fellow actors who don't know the meaning of "use your indoor voice". Yes, white-knuckled the whole way.
The show itself was so much fun to perform. The audience thoroughly enjoyed it, and participated enthusiastically where they should. Several people approached me after the show to offer compliments -- always a welcome bonus to the paycheck!
Despite my ringing ears and headache from being trapped in a car with my fellow actors for over four hours today, I guess it was worth it. (And, yes, we made much better time on the return trip.)
Now that I have this "first" of playing a new role under my belt, I can sleep easier, breathe a sigh of relief and start reading a new book. *sigh* Now where is my favorite bookmark? You know, the one shaped like a kitten?
Chad walked inside the front door of the 1952 House with Janie's faux-fur couch blanket, fresh from the dryer, draped over one shoulder. While still holding the security door ajar, he started doing a crazy dance and announcing in a panicked voice, "Oww! Moth!" Janie-dog and I gazed on in confused concern and no small amount of fear. Chad commanded, "Get the tweezers!" as he ran towards the bathroom, dropping Janie's blanket on a chair.
"What?!" I'm sure at this point it seemed to Chad as if I moved at a glacial pace, unwilling to render aid. I had yet to register what happened, or why I needed tweezers. "A moth flew into my ear," Chad fussed.
"Oh!...Oh, no!" I fussed.
Then I heard the awful noise of tiny wings beating rapidly inside Chad's ear canal. I couldn't see anything in Chad's ear, but I could hear it. "Oww! Get it out!" I tentatively put the tweezers near Chad's ear canal, but still unable to see the moth, decided not to poke the tweezers beyond where I could see. Chad told me to get a flashlight, which didn't help. Chad and I can't remember who decided we should put the moth out of its frantic misery with Swim-Ear drops, but we did. The poor moth died, but quit flapping its wings against Chad's eardrum, and quit traveling deeper into Chad's ear.
Let's pause for a brief public service announcement. As Chad and I learned from an Internet search conducted after the moth died, but while it was still lodged against his eardrum, if a bug flies or crawls into your ear, do not panic. (Much more easily advised than done.) Do not put tweezers or a cotton swab into the ear canal, as it may cause injury, and will likely push the bug deeper into the ear. One should seek medical treatment to remove the foreign object from one's ear.
However, if you feel ridiculous seeking treatment for a moth in your ear, you can try putting olive oil or baby oil into your ear to flush out the interloper. We tried olive oil with no luck. We also tried a warm water wash delivered via a nasal flush bottle from all sorts of different angles with no luck. Again, at Chad's urging, I tried (very gingerly) to tweeze the now-dead moth out of Chad's ear with no luck. Chad brought a different, brighter flashlight to try and help me see the moth with no luck.
I finally offered to take Chad to either the Emergency Room or the minor emergency clinic if we could find one that was open on a Sunday night. After a bit of hemming and hawing, more Internet searching, Chad finally said he would drive himself to the urgent care clinic. "You are not driving yourself! What if that moth wakes up?" I nagged.
Luckily, we were the only customers in the urgent care clinic. The receptionist didn't bat an eye when Chad announced his reason for visiting. The nurse and doctor delivered two warm water flushes before they could see the moth with their medical-grade ear-looking-tool. "I can see it!" announced the nurse with equal parts victory and revulsion. One more warm water flush brought the moth close enough to the ear opening for the doctor to grab the carcass with an intimidatingly long pair of snub-nose, tweezers.
Chad, the nurse, the doctor and I all gazed at the enormous, wet moth body on the medical tray. Gross and fascinating! The doctor smiled and told us that the cover of the urgent care textbook featured an illustration of a person with a bug in their ear, but that this was her first case of bug in the ear. After the nurse flushed Chad's ear once more to get out the moth dust, the doctor brought the textbook into the exam room for a humorous viewing of the cover. Chad's case, while highly unusual, was literally textbook cover material.
It didn't end well for the moth, but Chad feels much better now. He learned a valuable lesson not to dilly-dally near porch lights lest an unwelcome bug fly into one's ear.
