Practicing My Italian for Spaghetti Western

Next Monday, June 4, I'll play famous Italian movie star Anjelika Lotta in Maggiano's Murder Mystery Monday series, The Good, The Bad and The Dead. It's a spaghetti western... at an Italian restaurant... get it?

Why I Got a Second/Third Job

Some might argue that being an actress is a hobby, but I get paid to act, so I argue that it is a job. I also argue that being a homemaker is a job, because many people pay housekeepers to clean, organize, launder, tidy and whatnot their houses. I got my second/third (depending on how you personally look at it) job at West Elm, because we need stuff at the 1952 House. Here's a partial list in order of priority:

VACATION - need to see some nature in the Columbia River Gorge at end of summer

Car Repairs for my lovable, aging vehicle

King Size Mattress - current one boasts amazing hill and two deep valleys

Fridge - current one makes bad noises and was born in the 1980s

Microwave - big crack in the door frame that Chad assures me is not a problem?!?

Stove/oven - born in 1991 and cantankerous

Parking Pad - full of treacherous cracks and doesn't match paverstone driveway

Fat, Prosperous Savings Account

I also got my second/third job to meet some people and be social. At this stage in our lives, friends are so busy with family and careers, that working is the new socializing.

Have a great memorial day weekend. I'll be at West Elm for part of it. Come say hi.

Summer, Summer, Summa-tiii-iiime

This summer is going to be fun. I'm determined. Even if I can't get the Will Smith & DJ Jazzy Jeff video from youtube to embed in this post!

Record-breaking heat? No problem! Chad & I anticipate much fun in the air-conditioning with the Paramount Theatre's Classic Film Series courtesy of our Film Fan passes.

Limited finances? I start my new part-time job at West Elm on Monday. As if the employee discount weren't enough enticement, they'll pay me. The location is perfect. I get free garage parking. Dinner theatre gigs have also been abundant lately. I'll post info for the next open-to-the-public show soon. Mark your calendar for Monday, June 4!

Need to fly the coop? Chad and I plan to hightail it to the cooler climate and slower roll of the Columbia River Gorge, Oregon in August or September. I hear it rains there -- even in the summer!

Want some icy refreshment? Hello, Rita's! We've already been a few times this spring. Cotton Candy and Icy Pear are my favorite Italian ice flavors, while Chad usually opts for an ice and frozen custard mix. Of course I also like getting my meal through a straw with "The King" fruit smoothie from Central Market's smoothie & coffee bar. Who knew that putting peanut butter in a smoothie could be so deliciously perfect? Um, the fine smoothie mixologists at CM did!

Feeling outdoorsy? We're taking ourselves out to the ball park for a Round Rock Express game this weekend. We've already enjoyed a movie in the park courtesy of Austin Parks Foundation and Alamo Drafthouse's Rolling Road Show. Deep Eddy Pool, always a favorite, reopened after repairs and landscape renovation.

Ready? Set. Go!

Former Kitten Guest Foils Rattle Snake!

One of my former short-term foster kittens has grown up to be a genuine hero! Mouse (featured in this blog post) foiled a rattle snake hiding on his new family's porch, and lived to tell about it! His former long-term foster mom, and friend, E forwarded the following email:

Well, part of me doesn't even want to tell you this story but the other part wants you to know. Warning...get some Kleenex!  I believe Mr. Mouse came into our lives for a reason. One of the things he loves to do is sit on the back porch with me and get some fresh air. I don't let him out but he certainly loves to bird watch. This Sunday morning we went out and he went running behind a flower pot by my rocking chair. To our surprise there was a diamondback rattlesnake. 2 feet, 4rattles. And Mr. Mouse was bit. It was obvious to me he was badly injured. I rushed him to the emergency vet in Austin. We didn't come home until 9pm that night and I've been worried about whether he'd make it through. Now he is running, playing, cuddling, just his normal sweet self. This story is more than just about his great recovery. Had Mr. Mouse not found that snake on the back porch, there's no telling what would have happened. Had it bitten one of our girls,well, I don't want to think about it. I   am absolutely disgusted that we had a snake anywhere near the house, disturbed that my sweet kitty was hurt...but oh so grateful he protected us. Mr. Mouse now has hero status in our house! Just sharing about how your little fuzz ball has made a difference in our lives. Thanks for saving him, he's an angel. Here he is watching Idol with me now. I think he likes Skyler.

Look how big and handsome and heroic he is now! I think his new family should amend his name to be Mr. Mighty Mouse! Just, wow!

Time to Learn the Scripts

Friday night I got to play a wacky spiritual medium turned detective in A Spirited Murder for a group of students, administrators and faculty at University of Texas San Antonio. I had a blast, as did most of the audience and fellow cast members. I also loved the long, dark wig I got to wear. (That's me in the sparkly top.) The only downside was that I had to learn a completely new script in which my character had the lion's share of the lines. I had serious homework studying the script each night for a week.

Sunday morning I got to play a Hollywood actress turned detective in Murder on the Happy Trail for a group of high school band members and their chaperones at the Dave & Busters in San Antonio. It was a murder mystery brunch as opposed to a murder mystery dinner. We couldn't have asked for a better audience. They were so fun, receptive and engaged! However, this meant another road trip to San Antonio and more studying. I've done this script many times before, but our current director added about 10 pages of material back into the script that was previously cut. I had to learn new parts and remind myself of the old material, again with the lion's share of the lines.

On Monday, May 14 I will be in another new show with another completely new script to learn. At least this time, I'm not the detective and there is no road trip to San Antonio. Thank goodness! See flyer below for details. This show is open to the public. (That's you!)

Downtown Living Tour

Chad and I took a self-guided downtown living tour today. We saw some opulent highrise condos, some mediocre midrise condos on the sleepier & seedier side of downtown, one decaying but very expensive house in the middle of the dirty bar scene, and one lovely historic home amid trees that was not for sale and merely a tease.

After a very sweaty day of tromping around downtown, I'm convinced that the urban heat core is very real. It felt ten degrees hotter due to the lack of shade and the asphalt radiating heat back up towards the sun from whence it came. I'm also convinced that I don't want to live downtown. In fact, we were so tired, dehydrated, overheated, and just done with downtown, that we skipped the after-party with its promises of free refreshments and door prizes.

Someday we might find ourselves in a lowrise condo near Castle Hill, where trees abound, and we can walk to Whole Foods and the veterinarian. For now and for the foreseeable future, however, I love our 1952 House.

Jonathan Adler!

Chad and I were cruising up West 5th Street the other day when what to my wandering & wondering eyes should appear, but windows papered in Jonathan Adler logos of a store that will soon be here! Yes! We are getting a Jonathan Adler store in Austin!

Naturally I made my way to the nearest computer post-haste to apply for a retail sales job online. I hope I get a job at the new Jonathan Adler store, but will shop there enthusiastically regardless of the application outcome.

I love Jon A's (yeah, that's my special nickname for him) quirky, fun, let-the-pets-on-the-furniture approach to decorating. Because you know I love my decorating and my pets equally most days.

One of my favorite Jon A quotes, "I believe that when it comes to decorating, the wife is always right. Unless the husband is gay."

My dear Chad learned this lesson the hard way, when he (being my straight husband) got overly-opinionated during our newlywed search for a sitting surface. I wanted a clean-lined, modern sofa in a neutral color that we could accessorize with colorful pillows to suit our many moods. Chad wanted an overstuffed, odd-shade of olive, behemoth of a couch that had to be special ordered. We lived with that (I'm sorry, but eww-ugly) couch for first five years of our marriage. If only we'd had Jon A's Happy Chic books back then, I could have chosen my battle a bit more wisely with Jon A's sage words of wisdom to back me up!

Anyhoo, I'm going to shop the Jon A website now to make my wish-list for opening day.

Booking Work

I just put four, UPDATE: make that five!, more dinner mystery shows on my calendar for the next few weeks. Phew! If I could get six to eight shows a month on a consistent basis, I wouldn't need to get another part-time job. Acting could be my only part-time source of income.

None of the five retail places I took résumés and/or applications to have called or emailed me about an audition, um, I mean an interview. It's been over two weeks, which is a long time in retail job land. Maybe I'm stuck just being an actress, housewife and crazy pet lady for a while.

It won't afford me a Nanette Lepore wardrobe of my dreams or a new car, but maybe it's enough.

Time for Vacation! Planning

Chad and I live in a perfectly lovely city with noise, museums, theaters and shopping. No more city vacations for a while. I'd like our next vacation to offer relaxation and respite from the daily grind, preferably with some nice nature, but no golf courses.

Possible destination #1:

Columbia Gorge Hotel in Hood River, Oregon

Lush nature and some rain highly probable. No golf course!

Possible destination #2:

Saguaro Palm Springs Resort in Palm Springs, California

Cool in the desert. No golf course!

If you have relaxing destination suggestions in the USA (no golf course resorts!), please leave a comment with a link. Hoping to vacate Austin for five days in August or September.

No Thanks

I get many more spam comments advertising unsavory objects & subjects than real comments from friends, family or benevolent visitors on this blog. One comment today caught my eye:

hey there jennchad1952house.blogspot.com blogger found your site via search engine but it was hard to find and I see you could have more visitors because there are not so many comments yet. I have discovered site which offer to dramatically increase traffic to your site (not gonna post link) they claim they managed to get close to 1000 visitors/day using their services you could also get lot more targeted traffic from search engines as you have now. I used their services and got significantly more visitors to my site. Hope this helps :) They offer most cost effective (again, not pimping that link) Take care. Jason

Jason,

I appreciate you searching out my modest blog "via search engine". You and other strangers are welcome to read my ramblings when you stumble upon them.

However, I enjoy my low-key life and relative anonymity. I do not desire to generate more stranger-traffic to my blog. I do not want to moderate more spam-bot comments than I currently do.

Thanks for taking the time to comment. No thanks on the offer to increase traffic.

Incidentally, I tried to monetize this blog for a short while with AdSense automatically generated advertisements. I hoped that decorating resources would feature strongly in the ads. However, given my predisposition to semi-annual food-poisoning and frequent digestive tract maladies, all the ads were for diarrhea medications. Eww.

Live long & prosper,

Jenn

Cute Marketing

Got this as part of a marketing email today, and thought it was pretty stinkin' cute!

No Longer a Lenten Vegan

I quit my Lenten vegan quest last Sunday with weeks to go until Easter. I'm no longer vegan, but a lacto-ovo-vegetarian once more, and likely for the rest of my days. I definitely learned some things during my vegan experimentation.

I love my not-tested-on-animals, made in the USA, available in eleventy-million delicious flavors, Bonne Bell Lipsmackers, which have beeswax in them. The vegan hemp oil lip balms can't compete on price, flavors or moisturizing. Sorry bees.

I am not at all lactose-intolerant, but I am quite soy-sensitive. I'll spare you the disgusting details of discomfort. Trust me. Tofu and other highly-processed soy products do BAD things to my digestive tract.

Vegan cheese and vegan milk substitutes are so not to my liking.

I ate more highly processed foods as a vegan and gained a few pounds. I felt denied at meal times. Consequently, I overindulged in junky food stuff that parades as healthy.

If I had a million dollars, lived in downtown Austin and could eat every meal from the Whole Foods salad bar or ready-prepped sections, avoiding soy products, I might do okay as a vegan. I still wouldn't ENJOY being vegan.

If you think it's a pain in the patootie trying to dine out with a vegetarian, multiply that by at least ten when it comes to dining out with a vegan, especially in the suburbs or in cities that are less hippie-dippie-tolerant than Austin. A little perspective: Austin recently ranked #8 on the list for the most vegetarian/vegan-friendly cities in the United States of America.

Did I mention the soy-sensitive thing? Yeah? Well, it bears repeating. I am soy-sensitive, and it is pretty dang uncomfortable.

There. My terrible confession. I'm a vegetarian, but I can't make it as a vegan for even forty days.

Yep. $60.00

Time for me to procrastinate again. I have another script to re-memorize. At least eighteen months passed since I last performed this show. I'm the detective (again) which means I must remember the lion's share of the lines. I set the terrible precedent of memorizing the entire script back in my younger, brighter-eyed days. Dangit!

If you have $60 to spare, you can attend the show.

Reservations required! Call 512-501-7870.

Your Fourth-Grade Self

I've mentioned before on this blog that I am no longer on facebook. I deleted my account permanently last year. I got tired of seeing photos of events to which I was not invited. (Busted! You know who you are.) I got tired of reading the 15 congratulatory comments about every little thing that someone deigned to humble-brag in a status update. I got tired of being forced to "like" marketing campaigns under false pretenses when I really just wanted to enter a sweepstakes. I got tired of seeing people play their most well edited, greatest hits. I want to hear my friends, colleagues and acquaintances hit that achingly honest sour note once in a while, because if you're not going to be honest (funny-looking moles, bad vacations and all), then we're not really friends and never will be.

While still on facebook, I also caught myself wanting to search for people with whom I attended elementary school, junior high and the first two years of high school, but not really wanting to find them. In a weird way, I want to keep those happy, and even those not-so-happy memories of the people, places and times spent together in context. I don't want to know if my favorite little boyfriend from sixth grade got fat, lost all his hair and now sells used tires for a living to support his eight children and six ex-wives. I want to remember how we made each other laugh, got into trouble together for not paying attention in class and how we didn't speak to each other out of overly-self-conscious embarrassment for the four days we were officially "going together".

My family moved around more than most during my school years. I wouldn't know these former elementary and junior high classmates walking around in adult skin if I bumped into them on the street, so why should I spy on them online? Plus, if you moved around to new places like I did as a kid, you may agree that the only upside to helplessly being uprooted every few years was the opportunity to reinvent yourself. While my senior year high school friends might still recognize me, and think "yeah, that makes sense", anyone from elementary school probably forgot me many years ago. On the off chance that those elementary schoolmates do remember me, the adult version of me likely wouldn't be relevant compared to the fourth-grade version of me that they remember.

Lately I have been acutely aware that I don't have any lifelong (or even nearly lifelong) friendships. This lack of super-longstanding friendships leaves me feeling a bit untethered at times, yet also free from the past. I feel free to enjoy life in the moment, without worrying about how to spin it into a status update that will impress (or at least not alienate) friends, frenemies and family. I feel unfettered by past expectations and declarations. I appreciate the people in my life (really in my life) that much more.

Lenten Vegan - Almost Halfway to Easter

Things I've learned as a Lenten Vegan:

Even vegetarian restaurants might bring you a buttered (with butter made from cow milk), toasted bun when you order the supposedly vegan veggie burger. Ugh.

I like scrambled tofu better than I like scrambled eggs. Yay!

Sweet Ritual is a vegan ice cream shop near my house. They serve a "Glitterbeast Sundae" which is my new favorite indulgence. Yum!

Almond milk tastes like a milkshake, and is too thick. Coconut milk is too fatty. Low-fat rice milk is almost just right until the rice aftertaste hits. None of these stand up to hot coffee or hot tea. Eww.

Thank goodness for Wheatsville Coop and their clearly labeled vegan bakery items, hot food bar items and cold case takeaway items. The popcorn tofu po'boy sandwich is super-tasty and satisfying.

Food for Lovers makes just-as-good-as-the-real-deal queso.

I personally opine that Tofurky brand frozen vegan pizza makes my tummy hurt, and leaves an odd aftertaste. Bless them for trying though!

Lots of jellybean brands have beeswax in them. Boo...

Vegan chocolate tends toward a tad too chalky-dry or a tad too pasty-textured for my tastes.

Almond cheese is not necessarily vegan. Luckily I've learned to read the label carefully before it goes into the shopping cart.

Lenten Vegan Update

Being a vegan proves to be more expensive and require much more planning than being a vegetarian.

Lots of different junk foods are vegan including NewmanOs (like Oreos, but slightly healthier and more expensive) and most potato chips and tortilla chips. Of course fruits and vegetables are vegan, as well as many pastas. Finding vegan bread is tricky, unless I'm at Wheatsville Coop or Whole Foods. Thank goodness I live in Austin where most restaurants and food carts in town offer at least a few vegan dishes.

I thought that the vegetarian soy bacon in our freezer was vegan, but oops, the ingredients list clearly show egg and milk ingredients. So that was my first slip-up. I ate one piece on a bean taco Monday morning before scanning the ingredients.

On Leap Day yesterday, I was in San Antonio for a private show. Despite the fact that I planned ahead by slurping a vegan smoothie on the way to San Antonio and brought some almonds and an apple, I allowed myself some decidedly un-vegan cheesy noodles and a dinner roll after the show. I was hungry, tired, cranky and suffering from either a cold or terrible allergies. I needed some comfort food, and was in no position to find the vegan version of comfort food at 9:00 PM in the San Antonio Dave & Busters. Leap Day doesn't count, right?

With that confession, I started back on the vegan plan this morning. Chad and I are even going to try vegan pizza tonight. Don't worry, there's a backup dinner in the fridge in case it's gross.

$60?!

I cannot overstate enough that I know the dinner mystery shows in which I am paid to act are expensive. I cannot overstate enough that I do not expect friends to attend. Here's the flyer for the next public show. The price has risen to $60 per person which includes delicious Maggiano's buffet dinner and the show, but does not include tax, tip or alcohol-drinks.

*Update: There are currently 66 reservations for Monday's show, so it's a go! Better get busy studying my lines, huh? The $60 price tag includes two drinks. If you drink wine or beer on Monday nights, then I guess the price is a better deal than previously thought.*

Overdosing

"I haven't seen her in, like, forever," sniffed Friend 1 while trying to decide whether or not to be personally offended by the conspicuous absence.

"Yeah. Me neither. I heard she, like, overdosed on live theatre. She's in rehab, or under house arrest or something," Friend 2 said in a stage-whisper. "Eww. I hope she has one of those ugly ankle bracelets to keep her off the stuff, you know, like Lindsay Lohan wears."

"Well I heard she's seeing a show tonight, then in a show tomorrow night. And, I totally busted her at Office Depot printing a new script for a show she's doing in two weeks. She tried to look all nonchalant and innocent about it. She may have ODed, but she's not in rehab. She's totally still using." Friend 3 clearly disapproved.

"So sad." Friends 1, 2 and 3 shook their heads.

Dear Cupid,

I love the 1952 House. I am truly thankful to have such a nice home.

That said, I look at real estate listings the way some people look at pornography: not too often but with guilty enthusiasm and wanting.

I've added my top three dream homes to that fancy "Wists" widget on the right side of the blog. Hubba, hubba! Look at those beauties!

*Update: After stalking, or, um driving by, the three houses in person, I've ditched one of them from my wish list. The offending house did not have covered parking, and dared to locate itself on a main artery from MoPac Expressway. Chad and I have shared too many homes on noisy roads here in Austin. We vow to learn from these highly trafficked experiences and find the perfect home tucked away on a quiet street next time.*

Updates

That show I did for the FronteraFest new works theatre festival won "best of week". I performed again with longtime-pal & author-extraordinaire, Max Langert, Saturday before last. Max's show is eligible to show twice again next week for "Best of Fest" at the Hyde Park Theatre to already sold-out crowds! I'll update when I find out the schedule for sure.

*UPDATE* Max's awesomely funny show "The Requirements" won Best of Fest! We are honored to perform again at Hyde Park Theatre on Tuesday 2/14 and Friday 2/17!

Last Saturday I performed with my Murder Mystery Players Austin pals in two back-to-back performances (double paycheck!) of "Murder on the Happy Trail" to benefit Friends of the Killeen Public Library. I survived the road-trip, and had a fabulous time at both shows! Friends of the Killeen Public Library already signed a contract for next February -- yay!

Last Monday I performed in the first Murder Mystery Mondays at Maggiano's for 110 lovely audience members. Thanks to heavy promotion from local oldies radio station 98.9 FM, we had two dining rooms opened up for the show. I had a blast, and felt such positive energy from the audience during that 1929 show "Death Plays the Market".

I'm loving the paychecks and positive energy garnered from doing what I am naturally & compulsively motivated to do!

That said, I still need to apply for a part-time day job next week. Sadly, I can't make ends meet on a stage actress' paycheck here in the ATX, not with my exquisite taste in fabrics, fashions and travel.

Procrastination

I should be studying two different scripts for three upcoming shows. Instead I'm salivating over Nanette Lepore's Spring Lookbook while wondering how long I'll have to wait for my favorite items to go on clearance sale, and admiring the preview of the Jason Wu line for Target while plotting my online shopping strategy.

I'm also sharing some photos of the current bedroom decor at the 1952 House. I redid the bedroom to the current colorful stuff over eighteen months ago. Before that, muted orange peacock bedding from West Elm graced the bed. I don't recall photographing, much less sharing that. Before the peacock bedding the well documented graphic brown & white Dwell bedding kept us cozy.

The lovely cat prints over the bed are by Medium Control print studio. I picked up the prints at Austin's Renegade Craft Fair last spring. The quilt and larger square pillow cover came from The Company Store, but are no longer available. The XOX pillow sales benefited St. Jude's and came from PB Teen in the 2010 holiday season. The quilted white pillow shams are from Target.

If I get a retail job at Crate & Barrel or West Elm later this month, I'll probably cash in on the employee discount with new bedding. I try to sublimate my (self-diagnosed) obsessive compulsive disorder in positive ways such as redecorating, rather than touching the oven knobs forty-eight times before leaving the house. I always launder, package, label and donate the still stylish cast-offs so that some lucky Goodwill shopper can redecorate their place. It's a win-win, really... REALLY!

I Made This!

Friday I took a super-fun furniture upholstery class at Spruce here in Austin. The result is this lovely bench. I got the fabric at Fanny's Fabrics on South Lamar on sale for a steal! The bench will spend its days in Chad's fancy new office.

Lenten Vegan & the Circle of Judgement

I'm a vegetarian. I love cuddly critters. It's hard for me to look at animals and draw a line between "let's be friends" and "you are food".

What a person chooses to put into or onto their body is a very personal decision. I don't presume to preach to anyone that they should be a vegetarian based on my personal beliefs. However, I've been on the receiving end of many tirades about how I should not eat eggs (not even free-range, organic eggs) or dairy products (not even ethically raised, humanely harvested, organic milk or cheese). I've also read reports about reduction of honeybee populations and mysterious honey shortages.

Lent starts with Ash Wednesday on February 22 this year. For forty days through Easter on April 8, I will go vegan. Vegans abstain from using or consuming products that contain animals or animal byproducts. Personally, the hardest part for me will be avoiding honey and beeswax. I'll have to give up honey in my tea and my favorite beeswax lip balms. Luckily, most of my bath and cosmetic products are already vegan. I'll miss cheese and milk, but will experiment with nut cheeses, soy cheeses, almond milk and coconut milk. (I already know I loathe soy milk. Ick.)

Living in Austin, vegan options at restaurants, bakeries, ice cream shops, grocery stores and cosmetic sections abound. I'll enjoy exploring the plethora of products. If I have to travel during Lent, it may be tough to find vegan food, but I'll plan ahead.

I'm not throwing out my wool, cashmere or leather that I already own. I stopped buying leather a few years ago, reasoning that the pigs and cows die for that leather. However, I still have leather shoes, bags and belts purchased many years ago. Little baby lambs die to make shearling, so none of that in my possession! I still buy cashmere and wool, because the sheep and goats are shaved, not killed. Admittedly I should do more research on whether the woolly-beasts enjoy good living conditions. I won't purchase any new animal byproducts during Lent. If you stumble upon a cashmere sale of epic proportions, I do NOT want to know!

Will I remain a vegan after Lent? Maybe... but I'll likely go back to being lazy vegetarian who enjoys dairy products and cashmere socks. Don't judge, please.

Chad is going vegetarian for Lent this year. I'm proud of him, and ready to support him. I'll also reserve judgement when Lent ends.

Self Promotion

Yeah, yeah. I don't pay to watch you work, but some of you have actually asked me about upcoming public shows. Here's your chance to catch me at work.

Wednesday, January 25 at 8:00 PM

Fronterafest Short Fringe at Hyde Park Theatre

The Requirements by Max Langert

Tickets available at Hyde Park Theatre's website.

Fronterafest Short Fringe runs like a round robin tournament. If the judges, audience and/or technical theatre crew like us, you may be able to catch the show again.

Monday, February 6 at 7:00 PM

Murder Mystery Players at Maggiano's in the Domain

Death Plays the Market: It doesn't pay to be the accountant to a wealthy couple on October 29, 1929. Fabulous vintage costumes make this show extra fun!

Call 512-501-7870 for reservations!

Retail (can be) Hell

In the course of my varied and spotty work history, I've held many retail positions.

1. Mervyn's somewhere in Plano, TX one summer in high school: I worked in the home goods section. I didn't know the merchandise very well, but I could balance a cash register quickly & correctly, helped customers pretty well and compulsively cleaned & tidied.

One day a fellow male employee of high-school age followed me to the stock room where he cornered me, begging me to let him touch my butt. I literally ran from him, but didn't report him. I missed that very special episode of 90210 that dealt with sexual harassment in the workplace. On the plus side, I still have a pretty beach towel that I bought with my employee discount.

2. Margo's at Collin Creek Mall during high school and college holidays: Margo's sold inexpensive, but not disposable, women's clothes, shoes and accessories. I worked there longer than any other employee, training most of my managers along the way, and outlasting their tenure. I knew the inventory like the back of my hand.

Once, a sweet, cross-dressing man wanted to try on the ladies' clothes in the ladies-only fitting room. I let him. None of the women shopping at Margo's that day were bothered by him. He was very polite, though I did question some of his color choices. Moss-green with his coloring? Eww.

One year around Christmas, a frazzled middle-aged man entered the store waving a Victoria's Secret catalogue in the air. "Oh great." I said to myself, pondering how to best eschew this probable pervert. When I tried to direct him to the Victoria's Secret store, he sighed with exasperation. "My wife wants clothes, not lingerie, from this Victoria's Secret Catalogue, but I waited too long. The clothes are sold out. I need to find clothes that are like these she picked." Ooooohhh.

3. Breed & Company on 29th Street during summer and fall of my senior year of college: I was relegated to the cashier corral where I stood behind a cash register for hours on end. For the most part, I really liked working at Breed's. Except for that one time a very wealthy old man argued with me about the sales tax on his receipt for ten minutes while the line behind him grew longer and longer. Then a few of the customers who witnessed the exchange decided that they should also treat me as if I were mentally incompetent, and fuss at me. You know, since I made them wait so long in that line while I let that rich old man fuss at me.

4. Toy Joy during spring of my senior year of college: Toy Joy continues to be that hipster paradise for all things cheap, plastic, glow-in-the-dark and/or Sanrio. Kids of all ages flock to this place conveniently located near the University of Texas.

The other employees during my short employment at Toy Joy hated me. I didn't have enough of an alternative lifestyle, enough piercings or enough tattoos for their liking. They tried to get me fired, and very nearly succeeded until one of the owners worked a shift with me. At the end of the shift Owner-Lady told me I was a great employee, and apologized for nearly firing me based on punk-rock hearsay. I blew that popsicle stand shortly before graduation, because life is too short to deal with surly co-workers.

5. That store that shall not be named. I'm scared to write much about this place lest one of the litigious-happy owners accuse me of defamation. Let's just say I still have nightmares about this store and one of the owners. My toes still bear scars from ten hour days spent in high heels on concrete floors. But, dang, I made a ton of money there!

6. Old Navy one holiday season: Again with the concrete floors, but this time in sneakers for not much money. This Old Navy, now closed, was right by my apartment on the sketchy side of town. Homeless people would wander in and talk my ear off, because I was a captive and polite audience.

I used the employee discount to treat everyone to clothes from Old Navy that Christmas. I liked my coworkers, but couldn't deal with the low pay after the holiday season.

7. J. Crew for two years post-college in that dying mall: Working in an upscale store in a dying mall was too weird. People did, and left, some crazy things in the J. Crew fitting rooms.

An old lady with too much makeup and lots of obvious plastic surgery urinated in the big fitting room one day. I still see her at my gym. Just gross.

Lots of dirty diapers festered in the fitting rooms, despite our store's location next door to the public restrooms that had diaper changing stations. Cups of urine from potty-training gone wrong also made frequent appearances in the fitting rooms.

A flasher showed his junk to a sweet, unsuspecting female employee in those fitting rooms.

A customer yelled at me and berated me in the fitting rooms one day for not folding her pants cuff correctly. She then told me, "save the drama for your mama." Back at you, Lady Bossypants.

I found a tiny, plastic baggie of a powdered substance in the fitting room one busy Saturday. One of the younger employees informed me that I likely had an eight-ball of cocaine in my hand. Another employee who studied at UT Law School told me I should call the police and turn in the substance to the authorities. I did. A week later, I called the police with my case number to make sure I hadn't found a baggie of anthrax. Good news it wasn't anthrax. But, yep, it was low-quality cocaine cut with sugar.

Lots of people attempted to shoplift by putting on layers of clothes under their street clothes, or stuffing clothes into bags, backpacks or purses in the fitting rooms. J. Crew had tiny anti-theft devices sewn into the more expensive items that would set off the alarms as would-be shoplifters tried to exit. Employees were not allowed to accuse anyone of shoplifting or call mall security or the police, but we were allowed to suggest that people return to the fitting room. *Wink-wink.* Most would-be shoplifters were so embarrassed that they made up weird excuses about dental work or mobile phones setting off the alarm as they skulked back to the fitting rooms to dump the merchandise they were trying to steal.

Of course, I also found many of the anti-theft tags removed from clothes and stuffed behind the tiny space between the wall and fitting room mirrors, or tacked to the underside of the small stools in the fitting rooms, or stacked meticulously on top off the skinny wall frames separating the fitting rooms.

__________________________________

I'm writing cover letters to apply for some retail jobs this week. Upon reflection, one could correctly call into question my sanity. I need something to keep me out of gangs (like the Junior League) and off of drugs (like martinis during the daytime). I also need to make more money than my weekly acting gigs can pay if I'm to keep up with my fashion aspirations. *Sigh.* I have great taste and a limited budget. (I'm looking at you, Nanette Lepore!)

Babysitting

Chad agreed to hosting more kittens at the 1952 House for a few days while their regular foster-mom travels for work. Meet Minnie, Melia and Matthew! They are shy wee beasties, but very playful.

2012 Resolutions

1. Drink more! (water.)

2. Defy gravity! (with regular trips to the gym.)

3. Continue to volunteer! (because the pay is amazing.)

4. Visit a foreign country I haven't been to yet. (Front runner is Ireland.)

5. Celebrate my 30th birthday in style! (and not admit my real age unless under oath.)

Last Saturday

I spent part of last Saturday volunteering at Austin Pets Alive Tarrytown. It's a tough job, snuggling puppies and kitties. Oh yeah, and greeting the human visitors.

This puppy is Jett. He's a Catahoula-mix. I love him, but explained to him about the overcrowding sitch at the 1952 House. He's gonna find a great home... with someone else.

Weekend Guests!

Chad and I hosted the BEST weekend guests ever at the 1952 House Saturday night and part of Sunday: kittens! We babysat the little fuzzy sugarplums while their foster-mom partook in some holiday cheer. Honestly, the kittens were holiday cheer for me.

At 25 days old, the babies eat every three hours during the day and can go up to six hours overnight between feedings. Totally worth the slightly out-of-ordinary schedule: Mouse, Moonpie and Magee were great little eaters.

Kenji and Sonic (resident cranky cats at the 1952 House) didn't like the kittens much, but Marigold (old lady Persian cat) and Janie (just the best dog ever) expressed respectful fascination with the babies. Let the squee-ing begin!

Our guests fit into a tiny hamster cage!

Moonpie lounging with his tiny Teddy-bear.

Done!

Learning a new script for a role/show I haven't done before is stressful. I try to pretend it isn't. Pretending doesn't work. Procrastinating also doesn't work.

Tonight I did a new show in San Antonio for a private party. All week I worked on the character and memorized lines. I assembled my costume including lots of accessories and a borrowed wig. I researched our client and the historic hotel which hosted our show, so I could throw in references to personalize the script.

I drove in Friday afternoon traffic for over two-and-a-half hours on rain-soaked roads with fellow actors who don't know the meaning of "use your indoor voice". Yes, white-knuckled the whole way.

The show itself was so much fun to perform. The audience thoroughly enjoyed it, and participated enthusiastically where they should. Several people approached me after the show to offer compliments -- always a welcome bonus to the paycheck!

Despite my ringing ears and headache from being trapped in a car with my fellow actors for over four hours today, I guess it was worth it. (And, yes, we made much better time on the return trip.)

Now that I have this "first" of playing a new role under my belt, I can sleep easier, breathe a sigh of relief and start reading a new book. *sigh* Now where is my favorite bookmark? You know, the one shaped like a kitten?

Out, damned moth!

Chad walked inside the front door of the 1952 House with Janie's faux-fur couch blanket, fresh from the dryer, draped over one shoulder. While still holding the security door ajar, he started doing a crazy dance and announcing in a panicked voice, "Oww! Moth!" Janie-dog and I gazed on in confused concern and no small amount of fear. Chad commanded, "Get the tweezers!" as he ran towards the bathroom, dropping Janie's blanket on a chair.

"What?!" I'm sure at this point it seemed to Chad as if I moved at a glacial pace, unwilling to render aid. I had yet to register what happened, or why I needed tweezers. "A moth flew into my ear," Chad fussed.

"Oh!...Oh, no!" I fussed.

Then I heard the awful noise of tiny wings beating rapidly inside Chad's ear canal. I couldn't see anything in Chad's ear, but I could hear it. "Oww! Get it out!" I tentatively put the tweezers near Chad's ear canal, but still unable to see the moth, decided not to poke the tweezers beyond where I could see. Chad told me to get a flashlight, which didn't help. Chad and I can't remember who decided we should put the moth out of its frantic misery with Swim-Ear drops, but we did. The poor moth died, but quit flapping its wings against Chad's eardrum, and quit traveling deeper into Chad's ear.

Let's pause for a brief public service announcement. As Chad and I learned from an Internet search conducted after the moth died, but while it was still lodged against his eardrum, if a bug flies or crawls into your ear, do not panic. (Much more easily advised than done.) Do not put tweezers or a cotton swab into the ear canal, as it may cause injury, and will likely push the bug deeper into the ear. One should seek medical treatment to remove the foreign object from one's ear.

However, if you feel ridiculous seeking treatment for a moth in your ear, you can try putting olive oil or baby oil into your ear to flush out the interloper. We tried olive oil with no luck. We also tried a warm water wash delivered via a nasal flush bottle from all sorts of different angles with no luck. Again, at Chad's urging, I tried (very gingerly) to tweeze the now-dead moth out of Chad's ear with no luck. Chad brought a different, brighter flashlight to try and help me see the moth with no luck.

I finally offered to take Chad to either the Emergency Room or the minor emergency clinic if we could find one that was open on a Sunday night. After a bit of hemming and hawing, more Internet searching, Chad finally said he would drive himself to the urgent care clinic. "You are not driving yourself! What if that moth wakes up?" I nagged.

Luckily, we were the only customers in the urgent care clinic. The receptionist didn't bat an eye when Chad announced his reason for visiting. The nurse and doctor delivered two warm water flushes before they could see the moth with their medical-grade ear-looking-tool. "I can see it!" announced the nurse with equal parts victory and revulsion. One more warm water flush brought the moth close enough to the ear opening for the doctor to grab the carcass with an intimidatingly long pair of snub-nose, tweezers.

Chad, the nurse, the doctor and I all gazed at the enormous, wet moth body on the medical tray. Gross and fascinating! The doctor smiled and told us that the cover of the urgent care textbook featured an illustration of a person with a bug in their ear, but that this was her first case of bug in the ear. After the nurse flushed Chad's ear once more to get out the moth dust, the doctor brought the textbook into the exam room for a humorous viewing of the cover. Chad's case, while highly unusual, was literally textbook cover material.

It didn't end well for the moth, but Chad feels much better now. He learned a valuable lesson not to dilly-dally near porch lights lest an unwelcome bug fly into one's ear.

Dream House To-Do List

I'm watching Curb Appeal on HGTV as I fold laundry and iron this morning. Big mistake! It's giving me too many ideas for the 1952 House.

Outside:

Replace parking pad with interlocking paver stones to match driveway.

Extend the covered carport so my car and Chad's new car can both be covered.

Replace carport columns.

Reorient carport steps to run parallel to living room wall with new railing.

Replace steps to front door with safer tread, evenly spaced steps.

Inside:

New bathtub: Current tub isn't draining well despite interventions, plus the new glaze painstakingly applied four years ago is chipping and peeling.

New under-cabinet lights in kitchen.

Although, if we had enough money to do all this stuff, it might be better to just move into a house closer to downtown that already has more of our wish-list items such as a fireplace, indoor laundry room, automatic dishwasher and second bathroom. Off to buy a lotto ticket and look for a holiday job!

Happy Halloween!

Give you one guess which one is mine and which is Chad's.

I Like Puzzles

Further proof of my semi-reclusive tendencies as evidenced by photos of puzzles Chad and I completed over the past few months. Both 1000 pieces each, thank you very much! Illustrations go much faster than photos.

Taking the 1929 Show on the Road

The Austin chapter of Murder Mystery Players takes the show on the road next Saturday, October 29 as we perform Death Plays the Market at the San Antonio Dave & Buster's. I love this show, partly because I get to wear a vintage, floor-length, jewel-encrusted evening gown complete with a tiara and fan. The mystery begins with the great stock market crash of October 29, 1929 and a scoundrel of an accountant.

This show is open to the public if you want to make a little road trip to San Antonio, or if you happen to be a reader from San Antonio. Dave & Busters San Antonio sits at the crossroads of I-10 and Loop 410 at 440 Crossroads Boulevard in 78201. Their phone number is 210-515-1515 if you'd like to call for reservations to next Saturday night's show. As soon as I have more details, I'll post them here.

We're also performing Death Plays the Market in Steiner Ranch next Thursday for a private party. Hooray, paychecks! I'll be able to afford a chandelier I've got my eye on for the dining room.

Hopes, Fears and Dreams

Chad and I employ a few idiosyncratic (your SAT word for the day) conversation starters in our weird little lexicon (bonus SAT word for the day). In the past I blogged about "Do you like... stuff?", a quote from The Simpsons which aims to check one's general well-being and current interests. One of our other conversation starters, "Tell me your hopes, fears and dreams." dates back to our early dating days when I tried to make a semi-nonverbal, teenage male (Chad) talk about subjects outside of classwork.

A few days ago while walking our sweet, silly Janie-belle, Chad prompted me for my hopes, fears and dreams.

I replied, "Kittens."

"That's it. Just kittens?" he asked.

"Yes. I miss feeding the kittens at the bottle baby nursery, but the last time I went there were too many kittens. I got really overwhelmed when it took seven hours to feed 56 kittens. I know there are less kittens now. I might go back and volunteer again next week."

"We could foster some kittens if you want," offered my hero of a husband, Chad.

"Maybe after our fall family trip."

Should anyone ever accuse me of being a bad person for not feeling terribly maternal towards people-babies, please remember that I love kittens and puppies. I'll gladly awaken every two or three hours to bottle-feed kittens and puppies, to help them go potty, and to re-heat their warming disks or reset their heating pads. Helpless, furry orphans pull at me like nothing else. To each their own, right?

Donate to a Great Non-profit

Our sweet, silly dog, Janie Lulabelle-May, or Janie-belle for short, or Janie for even shorter, suffered some kind of injury while living on the streets. Janie limped on one of her back legs and her left eye rolled in its socket with icky discharge. She may have jumped from something high and landed badly, been glanced by a car or been abused. We don't know what caused the injuries, but we do know that the wonderful people at Animal Trustees of Austin gave Janie a Femoral Head Ostectomy surgery to help her hip heal and eye surgery to help her see better before we adopted her from Blue Dog Rescue. Thanks to Animal Trustees of Austin, Janie now walks two miles a day with no discomfort and has better use of her left eye. Thanks to Animal Trustees of Austin, Janie became an adoptable dog rather than a sad statistic of another dog euthanized at the shelter because her care would have been too expensive.

Click on the link below to join my fundraising efforts for Animal Trustees of Austin to help them provide low cost and free veterinary care. I'll also put a widget in my blog's sidebar so you can track progress towards my goal of raising $250 for Animal Trustees of Austin before November 13.

Thanks from me, Chad & Janie Lulabelle-May

*Click to Donate*

Thank You!

Dear Birthday Bunny &/or Mother Nature,

Best. Gift. Ever.

Thanks so much for making it rain most of the day on my birthday! It was gorgeous and much-needed! I loved it.

Your pal,

Jenn

Dear Birthday Bunny,

Sorry for the late notice, but in roughly 48 hours, it will be my birthday. You knew that, right? Had it marked on your calendar with a big heart drawn in pink highlighter, I'm sure. It feels like my most recent birthday was just last month. Time flies when you're getting old!

Can you have a sit-down with Mother Nature and ask her to make it rain on or near my birthday? I'd love some rain, please! I'll also direct you to my fancy Wist gadget parading up the side of this open letter. Perhaps you noticed that I removed the cars from the list. I'm set for a car. Chad even got my current ride detailed so it shines like sparkle gel. I don't mind if rain gets on my clean car though!

The usual suspects appear on my plea for charitable donations: Austin Pets Alive, Capital Area Food Bank and Emancipet. This year, I'm adding a new charity to my list in your honor: House Rabbit Resource Network.

Thanks, Birthday Bunny.

Hoppy Trails!

Jenn

No BYOP Here

After exhaustive, dizzying discussions which Chad politely endured, I've decided not to host a BYOP (Bring Your Own Pumpkin) Party this year. The reasons for not hosting the party are many and varied. At the risk of sounding like "The Grinch Who Stole Halloween", I'll list my top three reasons.

1. Overall, less people carve a pumpkin each year at the BYOP party. Last year guests mostly stood around the kitchen or sat in the living room drinking and chatting. Which is fine, but kind of frustrating when I put so much time, thought, effort and money into throwing a pumpkin-carving party.

2. The record-breaking drought this summer left our yard with huge cracks, craters and exposed rocks, many opportunities to twist an ankle, or to trip and fall on one's face. I'd hate for a candy-fueled child to get hurt running amok in our yard. Plus the backyard isn't a pleasant place to congregate currently, unless you like the dust bowl aesthetic.

3. I just don't have the energy this year. I'm tired.

My curmudgeonly ways do not affect your ability to carve a pumpkin at your house. Have fun. Be safe. Send photos.

Car Chat

My first Saturday free from working in many months was spent test-driving cars with Chad. The day started with a slightly used 2011 white BMW 128i with 15K miles. I was bored. It drove like my current BMW. It had a backseat, but should not have. I'd rather make a few minor repairs to my current car than drop the major coin to drive a smaller version of my current car in a boring color. Plus the older man trying to sell me the car called me "young lady" which brought all negotiations to a screeching halt. You're not my (dearly departed) dad, and I'm not in trouble. Don't dare call me "young lady", unless I may call you "old man jerkface".

Next we popped up the block to the Mini Cooper dealership and drove the Mini Cooper S-coupe, or I should say Chad drove the six-speed manual. What a fun, gorgeous, FUN ride! I need more practice before I confidently drive a stick shift, but I'm in LOVE! No pretense, no fuss and no backseat, because who are they kidding?

Fed, caffeinated and properly medicated for allergies, Chad and I both had the energy to continue the test-drives at Volkswagen. I drove the 2012 Beetle. Charming exterior with glimpses of old-school Porsche made me drool just a bit. Unfortunately, the ride was bumpy with a bit too much road noise. Like the BMW 128i, the new Beetle has a nearly useless backseat, but for much cheaper than a BMW.

Chad test-drove a new GTI. (Full disclosure, Chad drove a GTI a couple of years in the past, and I loathed that car.) In a nutshell, I think we both found this newer GTI quick-footed, but claustrophobia-inducing with a rattly ride.

Verdict: I want to make a few minor repairs to my current BMW and leave well enough alone. I love the color of my current car, the handling, the safety features, the non-dead leatherette interior with a semi-comfortable backseat.

I want Chad to sell his car to buy a new Mini Cooper S-coupe with all the custom bells and whistles. He works so hard, and deserves to have a car that is both safer and much more fun than his current ride. Plus, I get to ride in the fabulous new Mini Cooper and learn to drive a manual transmission.

Seasonal Affective Disorder and the To-Do List

Here it is. That point in the summer when I'm so sick of relentless drought and record-breaking high temperatures that I wilt like the dead plants around my yard. I'm very tempted to hammer a "For Sale by Owner" sign into the front yard. Seattle sounds like a nice place to live. The plants there get plenty of rain! I enjoy clouds and cool temperatures!

To-Do List:

• Rip out all the dead plants from yard and planters.

• Rake and bag dead, dry leaves.

• Remove the dead baby tree from front yard, dead tree from back yard and dead bush from back yard.

• Replace the melted automatic timer for the landscape lighting.

• Be thankful our house was not affected by recent wildfires.

• Pray that some motorist or pedestrian does not toss a smoldering cigarette butt into our parched yard.

• Buy gravel and cacti for that huge patch of dry sand around our house.

• Buy "For Sale by Owner" sign at hardware store?

• Buy condo in Seattle?

But we are...

When Chad feels stress in his jobs over the years, he often says, "We're not saving lives here," as a way of putting the situations into perspective. When I worked as a professional pet-sitter with The Furry Godmothers for a few years, I couldn't say that. The pets depended on Jody, Merry and I for food, water, medications and bathroom breaks / tolerable litter box conditions: life functions at or near the base of Maslow's Hierarchy. In my current position at the Tarrytown location of Austin Pets Alive!, I also can't borrow Chad's comforting phrase. If Shorey, Erin and I complete ten adoptions in a week to good and lasting homes, we've saved some lives. If I have a slow weekend like this past Labor Day weekend in which I don't complete a single adoption, I feel as though I'm failing to save lives, when I very much should be saving lives.

My terribly honest admission to you, gentle readers: in my next job, I don't want lives to hang in the balance. I just want to make things pretty in my next job.